((Invites only)) Taruinia

[Grell]

You got that right.

[Aiden]

So, you're depressed about more, and I have a quite large feelings it's because of that girl...

[Grell]

I don't know what girl you might be talking about...

[Aiden]

Bullshit you don't know what girl I'm talking about. Ever since Ethryl brought it up, you've been different...depressed. Don't tell me that you're not depressed because of some [censored] hole. You're lacking that girl you love, you're depressed because of that. Why is almost every Taruinian boy so [censored] proud of himself?

[Grell]

For your information, I ain't proud. I'm a soldier. I'm only immortal, and when I die, nobody's going to give two licks about me.

[Aiden]

...<<

Really? Really? Can you two not talk like normal human beings?
Alright so Rain's not a human and Atheos you're technically not a human...
but that doesn't change the fact that you p*ss and [censored] and moan and fight
about the smallest of things. Atheos, stop pissing her off and Rain don't
talk to him if you think something's going to happen. Now I'm not suggesting
you two just avoid each other, that's not the point. The point is you read
something different than the way they write it, normally, now you two might
know what the other is saying, but sometimes the past isn't something to bring
up and the way someone comes back at an insult or whatever with a 'your mom'
or 'your face' is nothing to [censored] about either. So what if someone can't think
of something new and impressive to say, so what if your mom and your face come
off as impossibly funny to think, say, do (in some cases), and even use but it's
nothing to scowl at. Atheos, leave her alone with what comebacks she has, I use
them too, although I don't talk to you as often. Rain, don't get so offend. Some
things you should brush off, don't hold them in or hold them against. Grudges are
only to be used against stupid people....and I know, I know, Atheos can be listed
under that category, and Atheos, I know, I know you're not ALWAYS stupid...just
most of the time, but that's nothing to get pissy about. Boys are stupid and in
Atheos's case, he's a n00b. From my knowledge and past experiences you shouldn't
be mean to n00bs....unless they're retarded and they use txt tlk...then maybe you're
allowed to beat them over the head with a stick...but...well I suppose that isn't
besides the point. I just want you both to behave. Atheos, if you don't, I don't
care what you say, my crop will be on you like Duct Tape Boy to Pudding Day. Rain,
if you don't....well actually I can't use anything against you, because it would
be like I'm punishing myself. :/ So, be nice to each other and don't make me have to
type another one of these stupid [censored] things, because I'll be so frustrated I'll
have to beat the both of you. >>

[Grell]

Does Atheos even come on here anymore? o.o

[Aiden]

i don't really care if he does or doesn't right now


not like he's every going to read it anyways.



wish he would, it'd be nice.
i mean, if he just only read that, i'd be happy.

____________________________________________

So, today...I'll have him text you, since you're not at school, for the meet tonight. Like the time it starts, even though I'm sure it's right after school pretty much. I think.

[Grell]

Its... been made official...

The car I couldn't replace last summer, and forced my mom to have fix is...

She thinks its the engine...

We don't have enough money to replace it...

It'll die sometime in the year anyways...

Tomorrow after school...

Only Kage can come with to help me pick out a new one...

I knew today was a bad day to be alive...

I'm going to cry for my car now...

[AngelicDream]

:0

[Grell]

What's wrong? What happened?

[Aiden]

:0

What was here? What did you edit? What happened?


And so it is written, you can't take me to anymore track meets, Kelly....except maybe ones that aren't during the school year. :/

But I can and will go to those that are local, on my bike! >:]
My dad can't call me then....


Oh! I have a great excuse! Since I'm failing yearbook I can tell him that I have to go to track meets for a story in the yearbook. >:] yes. *evil scientist laugh* that'll do. He's oblivious most times anyways.

[Grell]

Is it okay to say that I give up? Not in the way that I'm giving up, just in the way that I don't want to do anything. I want to want, but I can't. I'm sure I'm being more selfish this way, but I can't do much. Or I could. But I don't want to. And I'm not doing this to hurt anyone, I can see that I am though. In the way you all stood up too fast to get away from me. I know its just my attitude, but I don't even care about that right now. I want to want to be able to control myself and my emotions, but I don't want to control myself. I want to want to for you guys, but I can't bring myself to. I'm really tired. I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do, but I can't make any more promises and disappoint you guys anymore. But I don't just disappoint you guys, I disappoint myself. Maybe I disappoint myself more than I do you guys, or I do more than you guys let me know, and then I just can't believe in myself because I feel so disappointed in myself. This is all really hard to say, because I'm prone to saying the wrong things, and then I hurt you guys and I disappoint you even more.

But this is how I feel: I feel like we were all sitting in one place, trying to plan something that couldn't quite be planned, and then all of a sudden, the day came when you stood up to move forward, and I got left behind. Maybe you guys aren't moving forward in the direction you want to go, or maybe you are, either way I'll be happy for you if you're happy and that's your decision, but I don't have anywhere to go. And I keep losing things, and I don't understand why I get so upset, because that's the principle my life used to be based on: losing things. And I didn't used to get so upset, because I was used to it, but now I'm not, and I'm trying to take every failure in stride, but I'm having a hard time of it, because I'm so lonely and I feel selfish and I'm sick of myself because I can't deal with the fact that people won't be over at my house every weekend. And that I don't have anything to do while you're all away. And I'm so tired that I've become reliant on you guys, but I don't know how else to fix myself without pulling away from you guys. If I become uncaring about anything, then I don't know who I'd be. I don't know what I am now, or what I was, and I want to become something for you guys, but I can't. I'm just normal here, and you guys are too, but I'm supposed to be able to do something, and I can't. And I don't want to hurt from that anymore, but the only thing I can think of is not caring. So if I have to care, but I can't be around you all the time, I cry so much. I feel so lonely and I feel so horrid because I'm so selfish and I disappoint everyone with my behaviour. I can't deal with all the things I feel or the things that happen. Its not just about my car, but everything.

So I'm just going to disappear. Not really. Not literally. Not physically. I'm just going to retreat in upon myself. It'll be like an automatic mode, whatever I do, it won't really be me. I'll just be thinking. Of whatever crosses my mind. Probably whatever I think of normally. I probably won't talk, so if you have something to say, just get my attention. And even then, I don't know if I'll really be there. Whoever comes in can have control, whether its Syne or whoever. I don't know. I just can't deal with anything anymore. And yeah, I'm being a selfish coward by running away, but you tell me what you would do in my position. If you were me. If you acted like me, talked like me, walked like me, thought like me, lacked control like me... could you honestly say you would do something else?

I don't want to apologize anymore, and have you guys disappointed in me because I don't change. So I won't say I'm sorry at every turn. Even if I want to. Even if I do, I'm sure you'd just scoff and think that I don't mean it, because its the same way every time.

[Kage]

Rain the only thing that I ask from you is to be my sister and p*ss me off. I know sometimes you cant help it. Even kage gets on my nerves. And I am sorry that Kage can't come over. I know you and kage are close but she does need room to breath. I know you have alot of thinking to do but dont take to long.

I love you sister Rain. We all do

[Grell]

Why's it matter how long she takes? She's got all the time in the world.

[dragoon012]

So Does this mean i can't come over now.

i think its going to be kind of weird to spar with someone i don't know or with a person that is in auto piolet. you don't get that same natrual instinct, ya know