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Cruel Innocence

Posted: Aug 18, 2009 1:39pm
by arrancar_velonica

Cruel Innonence
Ur beautiful is haunt me as they
traced my footsteps in2 the dark.
As if mockingly u drew ur kisses
w/out a whisper in the quiet nite.
U trail ur sweet fragrance
hovering in front of me
as if teasing me w/out ur touch.
Leading me astray
ur soft voice calls out
a loving melody, a silent lullaby.
Ur soothing hands as if reaching
ur gentle lips as if seeking
our hesitant fingers as if embracing
a sweet & bitter dream.

Re: Cruel Innocence

Posted: Aug 18, 2009 8:41pm
by Tyche
I don't understand several lines.
bad grammar makes ppl stop caring srsly

Other than that, I don't hate it. It's actually kinda descriptive. Just... work on the phrasing and grammar. *end critique*

Re: Cruel Innocence

Posted: Sep 01, 2009 2:59am
by Hardcore
Her other one wasnt bad grammar wise.
But yeah, I agree with Tyche.
Erm.. Filitz.