YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Silver Fox
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YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Silver Fox »

Chapter 1


Reya sat in her seat anxiously waiting for her japanese teacher to make an appearence in the class room. She impatiently looked around the room and noticed that she wasn't the only nervous one.
It seemed as if all the students in the classroom were at the edge of their seats waiting for the teacher to tell the big news.
There was 28 students and only 1 student's name would be drawn from the hat. Only 1 would go to Japan as a foreign exchange student. That was the problem. Only one.... All 28 students wanted to go equally, and yet only one name would be drawn out of that hat.
When the door knob started to turn the room became silent. There was no motion whatsoever. All eyes were focused on the door that slowly started opening.
Reya tightly closed her eyes and started praying.
"Please call my name....... PLEASE!!!!, Reya, call Reya!" she whispered to herself
She repeated saying it over and over again until the teacher finally spoke.
" Class, I would like to announce who will be chosen to go to Japan for the next year, starting September 1st."
She had the small sliver of paper tightly grasped between her thumb and index finger.
Miss Samson glared at the name on the paper, scanning it several times to make sure that it was completely correct.
" Come on, just read it already." Reya whispered.
"The winner is. ........................................................................................................................................ Laura Bordinski."

Reya sunk into her seat while Laura, who was sitting behind her sprung out of it.
"YES!!!!!!!!" Laura shouted at the top of her lungs.
Laura started jumping up and down frivilously.
At that point Reya was about to punch her in the face, but her self control overcame her intentions.
After a few seconds of self-celebration Laura sat back down with a smug grin upon her face.
" Okay Laura, I'd like to talk to you after class."


After class Reya dragged along for the rest of her day at school.
When she got home she threw her book bag on the couch and slowly walked into the kitchen for her after school snack.
" So how was your day?" Reya's mother asked.
" Oh. I wanted to be a foreign exchange student so bad, but freakin Laura got it. She wins everything......"
" Oh is that so?" her mother said with a grin.
" What are you so happy about?"
" Reya, Miss Samson called a few minutes ago. Laura declined."
"Why?" Reya asked.
" Ummm. I don't know. A strong dislike for fish I think....... Well anyway she drew another name out of the hat, and well-
" GET OUT!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!!!!!!!"
" Your name was drawn from the hat, you were chosen to go to Japan from September of this year till September of next year."
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
Reya started jumping around the room
" Take it easy, the whole house is shaking!"
" OH MY GOD I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"





To be continued.....
Last edited by Silver Fox on Mar 09, 2005 4:20am, edited 1 time in total.

Yoko Moura
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Yoko Moura »

thats an awsome beggining! i enjoyed it now what exactly r u wanting us to do? because im anxious!

Silver Fox
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Re: re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECT

Post by Silver Fox »

Yoko1091 wrote:thats an awsome beggining! i enjoyed it now what exactly r u wanting us to do? because im anxious!


You'll see, I don't want too give to much away. :mrgreen:

WAKAI
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by WAKAI »

i want some action

Silver Fox
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Re: re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECT

Post by Silver Fox »

wakai wrote:i want some action


Hold your horses, it just started.


Chapter 2


"MMmmmmmmmmm, Kurama, I miss Yusuke..." Kayko said as they were walking to a restaurant.
"Yeah, it feels a lot different when Yusuke's not around. He was the lively one."
" Ahh come on guys I'm just as lively as Urameshi." Kuwabara replied.
Kayko just sighed and continued walking.
" Ahhh geez, come on Kayko, cheer up. I bet he will be back from the demon world...... soon."
" How much time is soon. You told me that 5 months ago and yet Yusuke hasn't made an appearence."
" Kayko its hard to lable how much time until Yusuke will be back. You must realize that we ask Koenma all the time. And everytime we do he gives us a different answer. So don't be mad at Kuwabara, he's only giving what he knows."
" Yeah, I'm just saying what Koenma said Kayko."
" Sorry guys..... its just been so stressfull lately...."
" We understand Kayko. We realize how close Yusuke is to -."
" Kurama, what is it?"
Kurama started scanning the surrounding area.
" I thought I just sensed a demon, but maybe its just my mind playing tricks on me.... I guess all of us are uptight right now.
Kuwabara then just stopped.
" Are you sure Kurama, because-"
" Hehehehehe so your that fox boy and sword dude.."
Kurama, Kayko, and Kuwabara turned around and came face to face with a black cloaked figure.
" Who the heck are you?"
" Your King Yusuke's friends I presume."
" Ugh, how did you know that!" Kurama demanded.
" I have my connections...."
The black cloacked figure glared down at Kayko with his red eyes.
" You must be Yusuke's girl."
Kurama and Kuwabara stepped in front of Kayko to protect her.
" Heheheh, these two must be your body guards then as well."
" Who are you?" Kurama asked.
" Why should I tell you? Do you think I'm that stupid, fox boy?"
" That's it, I'm cutting him in half!!!"
Kuwabara started concentrating his spirit energy to form his sprit sword.
" Kuwabara don't. Not in public."
" But what the heck is the difference? This freak is walking around in clear daylight."
Kurama shook his head.
"What do you want, besides getting on our nerves?" Kurama asked.
" Boy, aren't you the question asker. I just came here to give you a little warning."
"What kind of warning?" Kuwabara asked.
" You petifull human wouldn't know, but maybe fox boy here, might. 500 years ago there was a powerful demon who lived in the foulest pits of the demon world.
" Come on we're not here for a story!"
" Kuwabara, be quiet." Kurama said angrily.
" Thank you fox boy, well where was I, yes, the demon was unstoppable. He went and destroyed everything in his tracks, and soon the threat came that he would break to the living world. A spirit detective was able to sneak into his lair while the horrifying demon was asleep and casted a spell on him. The spell was a sleeping spell of course. The spell was to make him sleep for 500 years.
Kurama became stunned.
" Yes, I figured you knew who I was talking about fox boy, or should I say Youko. 500 hundred years have nearly passed, and the spell will soon wear off.
" Why the heck are you telling us this?" Kuwabara asked.
" Like I said, I have my connections."
" THAT'S NOT HELPING US!!!!!!" Kuwabara shouted.
" You know you sound just like that Urameshi king."
" Yusuke! You've seen Yusuke!" Kayko yelled.
" Well its hard not to hear about one of the king's of the demon world."
The demon then stepped back with a sinister smirk across his face.
" Dracanas, will soon awaken...." the demon said before a black smoke surrounded him and with that he dissappeared.
" What the heck is going on?!" Kuwabara yelled.
Kurama stood there silent.
" How could I have forgotten about Him...... How could I have..... It's been so long that I totally forgot. It's as if someone erased my memory, but when he was talking about Him.. I totally remember about Dracanas... again." Kurama said in a worried tone.
" Dracanas sounds pretty bad..."
" Yusuke..............." Kayko whispered.

To be continued.
Last edited by Silver Fox on Mar 09, 2005 4:36pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yoko Moura
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Yoko Moura »

woa...... once again completly awsome......... woa.

Padawan
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Padawan »

I don't mean to offend (I know I'm going to get a ration of crap from your fans when I post this), but I'm a nitpicker who pays particular attention to the believability of a story. And this isn't realistic at all.

In high school (which is the type of school I assumed you were talking about), you don't just get your name drawn out of a hat to go on foreign exchange trips. You have to have teacher recommendations, speak your chosen foreign language somewhat fluently, and pay for your own plane ticket in the slim chance that you are chosen. And the fact remains that finding an American high school that offers Japanese is nearly impossible. Most of us are stuck with Spanish or (if we're lucky) French. So far, I've only run across two colleges in New York State with Japanese listed as one of the foreign language choices, so even if your character was in college, the chances of this happening are slim to none.

As for the characters - Reya. Lovely name, I'm sure, but it isn't a common one. Something like Michael or Jessica would have at least fit the part of "average American high school student", but you're making it seem a little Mary-Sueish (I repeat, no offense meant).

My advice? Rewrite the story. Change the character outline for our dear little Mary-Sue into a more believeable person, and take into account the facts of real life. It'll make the story a lot more enjoyable.

PS - A beta-reader might be a good idea. Cheers!

WAKAI
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by WAKAI »

let her do her thing like you do yours

ps
the names depends were you are texas jos or marelym ,jersey michel or denise

and please just let her do with her story wat ever she wants its her post.
you have a point but is a fictional school,fictional stting and fict etc....

Silver Fox
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Re: re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECT

Post by Silver Fox »

Padawan wrote:I don't mean to offend (I know I'm going to get a ration of crap from your fans when I post this), but I'm a nitpicker who pays particular attention to the believability of a story. And this isn't realistic at all.

In high school (which is the type of school I assumed you were talking about), you don't just get your name drawn out of a hat to go on foreign exchange trips. You have to have teacher recommendations, speak your chosen foreign language somewhat fluently, and pay for your own plane ticket in the slim chance that you are chosen. And the fact remains that finding an American high school that offers Japanese is nearly impossible. Most of us are stuck with Spanish or (if we're lucky) French. So far, I've only run across two colleges in New York State with Japanese listed as one of the foreign language choices, so even if your character was in college, the chances of this happening are slim to none.

As for the characters - Reya. Lovely name, I'm sure, but it isn't a common one. Something like Michael or Jessica would have at least fit the part of "average American high school student", but you're making it seem a little Mary-Sueish (I repeat, no offense meant).

My advice? Rewrite the story. Change the character outline for our dear little Mary-Sue into a more believeable person, and take into account the facts of real life. It'll make the story a lot more enjoyable.

PS - A beta-reader might be a good idea. Cheers!



You just love bashing me don't you Padawan. Everytime I post something you always have to say it right back to me.... I don't want to sound mean or anything but I'm getting upset about it. Now for my story...... First of all there is a girl named Reya in my school. I know its fairly uncommon but it is possible. One of my friends names is Keturra, which is also a rare name. We have a japanese club in our school. Its not one of the main classes, but its a club you can sign up for to learn japanese. In fact I have a japanese pen pal. ( who hasn't written back to me yet.)
And about the hat drawn thing. Reya has been in the japanese club(class) since 5th grade. She is in 10th grade now. All the students in the class have been speaking japanese fluently. The teacher offered that their is a chance that a student can be a foreign exchange student for japan. Coicedentaly all the students in the class signed up. With the permission of there parents of cource. Well the teacher couldn't decided who she wanted to let go to japan, so she decided to draw names. At first Laura was picked but then she decided to back down. The teacher called Reya's mother before Reya got home and told her that Reya's name was drawn from the hat then.
Plus how realistic is yyh anyway? Spirit gun, demons, Yusuke always skipping class and being gone months at a time and no one wonders where he is? I think my story is pretty realistic compared to that.

Silver Fox
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Silver Fox »

Chapter 3.

Kurama, Kayko, and Kuwabara entered the restaraunt, chilled after meeting with the anonymous demon.
"What do we make of this Kurama?"
" Mmmm. I don't know Kayko."
" This must be bad,even Kurama doesn't know what to do..." Kuwabara comented.
" I just hope Yusuke is okay..."
" Don't worry Kayko, Koenma would inform us right away if something happened to him."
" I guess your right, but still, I can't stop worring about him..."
The three of them sat down at a table.
" You know what.... Kayko. I think it would be the best if you wouldn't hang out with us anymore.."
" Why?" Kayko said softly
" I think its better if you have a normal life, hanging around us, its sort of hard to have one."
"But your the closest friends I have now."
" Don't you have those girls at school that's your friends?" Kuwabara asked.
" Ever since I've been hanging out with Yusuke more they've been trying to avoid me. I think its because there afraid of him..."
" I know what you mean. I don't like to admit it, but Urameshi was the best fighter at our school, everyone was afraid of him." Kuwabara replied.
" Why don't we talk about normal things for once. I feel talking about this will just make you more weiry Kayko." Kurama suggested.
" I guess your right... Hey I totally forgot to tell you. I guess since I was so worried about Yusuke that I forgot."
" Forgot to tell us what?"
" Remember when I told you that I was qualifyed to be the host of a foreign exchange student?"
" Yes, it was about 3 months ago when I heard you mention it." Kurama said.
" Well we just got a call about a week ago, I have been selected to host a foreign exchange student. Her name is Reya. She's coming in the beginning of September and will be here for a full year!"
" That sounds great Kayko, you'll surely make a new friend, and it will also keep your mind off of things." Kurama said happily
" Reya, huh, I like the name." Kuwabara said with a grin across his face.
" September, that's over two months away yet."
" Yeah, I don't know much about her yet. I think she's supposed to call me tonight and we're going to talk."
" Kayko, what country is she from?"
" America!" Kayko said cheerfully.
" Ahhhh, America!!!!" Kuwabara shouted.
" America..... probably the grea-"
" Yeah I know, she knows how to speak japanese good though." Kayko interrupted
" How is your English Kayko?" Kurama asked.
" Well its so-so, but I'll ask for her help so I can improve it." Kayko replied.
" American heh." Kuwabara said.

To be continued.

WAKAI
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by WAKAI »

you still got it.nice work,I'am waiting for the next chapter.


reya is going to rule i hope

Yoko Moura
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Yoko Moura »

Silver fox u rock!

WAKAI
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by WAKAI »

how many chapters you plan to do

Silver Fox
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Re: re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECT

Post by Silver Fox »

wakai wrote:how many chapters you plan to do


50+. I have the whole story in my head. I posted the same fanfic on funimation before it was shut down. I got to about 35 chapters, and I was about half way through it then. But this fanfic is more detailed than that one so it will probably be even more.

Silver Fox
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Silver Fox »

And for those who are interested, I'll post a new chapter around 4pm eastern everyday.
Oh and if anyone is confused this story is taking place while Yusuke is being temporary king of the demon world. So it takes place after the makai tournament but before the final episode of yyh.

Silver Fox
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Silver Fox »

Chapter 4.

Kurama was walking home from the restaurant when his communicater rang. He reached into his pocket, pulled it out, and turned it on.
" Ahhhhhh Kurama, this is horrible!!!!!!!"
" Yeah I know we just got a threat fro-"
" Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! demons are popping up everywhere in the living world, plus there's a rumor that Dracanas is waking up!!!!" Koenma yelled in fright.
" Koenma calm down, I've already heard about Dracanas. A demon warned Kuwabara and myself about it earlier."
" Ahh, must of been one of Dracanas' followers, black cloak right?"
" Yes."
" Why would he warn you about it?"
" That's what Kuwabara and I are trying to figure out right now." Kurama replied.
All of a sudden Kurama's senses kicked in.
" Koenma, about a lot of demons entering the living world."
" Yes, I just tracked one not far from your town, I'm sending Botan to help you right now. I want you and Kuwabara to find him and stop him before he starts any trouble."
" Okay Koenma."
Kurama turned off his communicater and put it back into his pocket.
" Sounds like trouble." A voice said behind him.
Kurama turned around and by his surprise Botan was their wearing regular clothing.
" That was fast."
" Come on, let's get Kuwabara and go."
The two of them rushed back to Kuwabara's house and knocked on his door.
Shizuru was the one to open it.
" Hi guys, I'm guessing you need Kazuma for spirit detective work."
" Wow, your good Shizuru." Botan comented.
" Well, what else have you ever been here for?"
" Whose at the door sis?" Kuwabara yelled from inside.
" It's Botan and Kurama."
" Oooohh. Botan."
Kuwabara raced to the door in excitement.
" I just got a call from Koenma, a demon is near this city, we have to track him down and stop him."
" Hey, how come Koenma always calls you and never me."
" Ehhh. NO reason" Kurama replied.
" Sure. I'm guessing its because of our intelligence levels, no wait maybe our spirit levels."
" Oh come on Kuwabara lets go!" Botan demanded.
" Okay." Kuwabara said in a weak tone.
The three of them ran off.
" I'm hyped up. We haven't had a mission in a long time."

To be continued....

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