YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Padawan
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Padawan »

You seem to misunderstand. I'm not bashing you - believe me, you'd know if I was. I'm politely offering some constructive criticism.

Now that I've had time to actually think about this story, I thought of something else. You said all of the students wanted to go to Japan equally. Why would Laura turn down the offer? You explained it as "a strong dislike for fish," which I assume meant that she didn't want to eat sushi. If she had been taking Japanese for five years, the teacher would have told her about that little quirk long ago - you don't just study the language of a foreign country, but its culture as well. She would have also known that sushi isn't the only type of food offered in Japan; if she didn't like fish, she could have walked right down the street and ordered a cheeseburger from McDonald's.

As for your comment about Yuu Yuu Hakusho not being realistic - demons and aura usage aside, it is pretty believable. I would go into a more detailed explanation, but I don't want to make this post too long. If you want an earful, you can e-mail me and I'll write you a ten-page essay. I'm not going to bother taking up so much space on the message board.

And I'm not purposely shooting you down every time you post something. I'm merely trying to get into an intelligent conversation, rather than a simple "it's this way because I SAID so" deal. If it makes you feel any better, I'll post one of my own fanfics on the message board. You can go ahead and beat the living daylights out of it, as long as you can back it up. Cheers!

WAKAI
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by WAKAI »

it me or there is a mosquito flying around here

Silver Fox
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Re: re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECT

Post by Silver Fox »

Padawan wrote:You seem to misunderstand. I'm not bashing you - believe me, you'd know if I was. I'm politely offering some constructive criticism.

Now that I've had time to actually think about this story, I thought of something else. You said all of the students wanted to go to Japan equally. Why would Laura turn down the offer? You explained it as "a strong dislike for fish," which I assume meant that she didn't want to eat sushi. If she had been taking Japanese for five years, the teacher would have told her about that little quirk long ago - you don't just study the language of a foreign country, but its culture as well. She would have also known that sushi isn't the only type of food offered in Japan; if she didn't like fish, she could have walked right down the street and ordered a cheeseburger from McDonald's.

As for your comment about Yuu Yuu Hakusho not being realistic - demons and aura usage aside, it is pretty believable. I would go into a more detailed explanation, but I don't want to make this post too long. If you want an earful, you can e-mail me and I'll write you a ten-page essay. I'm not going to bother taking up so much space on the message board.

And I'm not purposely shooting you down every time you post something. I'm merely trying to get into an intelligent conversation, rather than a simple "it's this way because I SAID so" deal. If it makes you feel any better, I'll post one of my own fanfics on the message board. You can go ahead and beat the living daylights out of it, as long as you can back it up. Cheers!



Uhhh you must of misunderstood me about the strong dislike of the fish thing. Laura is, how can I put it uhhh, snotty, prepy like I guess you could say. After talking with the teacher and learning on how it would be really like. Laura asked if she would have to share a room when she's a foreign exchange student and if she'd have to wear a uniform for school. Miss Samson didn't know. So Laura didn't really want to go after learning about this so she tried to cover it up by saying that she strongly dislikes fish and if she eats it, the fish will make her sick. To put it simply Laura made the excuss of the fish so she didn't have to go, though the real reason is that she didn't like the way she would have to live. Like sharing a room, uniform, walking home from school instead of taking a bus, you know that sort of thing. If you want to ask me anything else about the story just ask. I'll try to make it as realistic as possible.

Padawan
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Padawan »

Thanks for the explanation about what was really going on with Laura. Stories are usually supposed to be able to stand alone, though, without authors making notes to clarify. If someone just read the story and not your notes, they wouldn't have a clue what was going on. You might want to work on that.

I'm so happy you didn't blow up at me! From my experience, most people would have said something along the lines of "Go away! This is my story, I can write it the way I want to!" In the meantime, they would completely change canon information without warning. I read one story that changed Hiei's height from around 4' 4" to around 6' 0" - it was quite a frightening experience.

What was that comment about mosquitoes, Wakai? I'm a little confused. Could you clarify?

Silver Fox
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Silver Fox »

I usually have a good temper. I don't get very angry at people right away. Besides I'm glad that you openly told me about my flaws in my story. Instead of keeping it inside, because then I wouldn't know how people really thought about it. So anyone reading this, state your open opinion, I won't get upset about it. If you feel if something isn't right, give me some advice.

And for the Hiei height problem. It's never listed on how tall Hiei is. So don't believe in anything. But by comparing him with other characters, he's probably around 4'5"-4'8". But that's just what I think.

Yoko Moura
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Yoko Moura »

by the way where is the little hottie in your story cause he be just as important as any of the others!
sorry i just need him :D

Silver Fox
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Silver Fox »

Oh don't worry, Hiei will be in it. I know how much you like him. :wink:

Silver Fox
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Silver Fox »

Chapter 5

Kurama, Botan, and Kuwabara quickly ran down the lamp lit streets. The last peak of the sun was slowly sinking behind a sky scraper located in the west side of the city.
" Botan, do you know what sort of demon we're expecting?" Kurama asked
" No..... Koenma didn't mention it, he seemed really worried about Dracanas." Botan replied while gulping for air.
Kurama came to an abrubt stop at a corner of a shabby ally way.
" What is is Kurama?" Kuwabara asked out of breath.
Kurama closed his eyes and started concentrating.
" I can smell the demon."
Kuwabara and Botan looked at Kurama stunned.
" You mean you can smell a demon from this far away?" Botan said in a shocked voice.
" Yes, demons always have a distinct stench, after being in the demon world for several centuaries I'm very aware on each different type of demon aroma."
"Wow." Kuwabara said.
" He's about.... 2 miles east of here. He's outside of the city."
" Hey I have an idea, why don't you use the meter thingy that shows where demons are located?" Kuwabara said smugly.
" That won't work Kazuma, the demon must already be identifyed." Kurama answered.
Kuwabara's shoulders sank.
"Ohhhh, I never get to be cool."
The three of them continued eastword to the outskirts of the heavily lighted city.
" So Kurama do you know what type of demon it is?" Botan interrogated.
" Mmmmmmmmmmm. I believe it might be some sort of spirit animal."
" Spirit animal. Isn't that what you are?" Kuwabara wondered.
" Yes, Spirit fox to be more precise. I'm not quite sure of what type of spirit animal this demon is."
After several minutes of running they finally made it to their destination. By this time the sun was completely out of sight and one by one starts appeared in the darkened sky.
Once again Kurama came to a sudden stop and scanned the area.
" He's here." Kurama whispered.
Kuwabara and Botan became more alert, and like Kurama they also started scanning the area.
" I don't see anything." Kuwabara exclaimed.
" Are you sure this is the right place? Everything seems usual to me."
" Kurama reached back into his hair, and with one motion he pulled out his famous rose whip and struck it hard against the damp ground.
" He's hear alright. I can smell him." Kurama said in a calm voice.
With a sudden burst of movement Kurama ran across the small park and slashed his rose whip into thin air. The impact of the whip echoed throughout the whole area.
Botan and Kuwabara ran over to where Kurama was.
" Get up. Your disguise can't full me."
" Uhhhh Kurama, are you okay? Their's nothing there." Kuwabara asked.
All of a sudden a dark transparent figure appeared on the ground. It soon changed into an opaque figure with a blood gash across the length of his right arm.
" Invisiblity." Kurama said.
" Ahhhhh, how could you see me." the demon asked.
" I could smell your odor, it was very distinct."
" Dam* spirit detective." the demon scowled.
The demon tried to stand up, but fell back down while grasping its arm.
" A spirit cat, I should of known."
The demon had ears at the top of his head sort of like Youko Kurama, except they were black, shorter, and more round. He also had a tail, that was the same color as his ears. The demons catlike eyes glowed in the darkness.
" Well I guess I should take him back." Botan said.
Botan took out her communicater and got in touch of Koenma.
" Koenma, we found the demon. Just a lowly D class I'm estimating." Botan said happily.
" That's the least of our news now Botan." Koenma said in a frightened tone.
"What's wrong Koenma."
" I just got news from my Father, Dracanas is expected to awaken in about two months."
" Two months. That's it!!! But can't you just put another sleeping spell on him?"
" I'm afraid not. Spirit detectives and demons have been trying to cast another sleeping spell on him in the last few days and none of them have worked. Dracanas mind power just cancels them out."
" That spirit detective that casted that spell must of been very powerful." Kuwabara said.
" Not physically, but mentally she was." Koenma replied.
" So what are we going to do?" Botan asked.
"................... Botan...... I don't know...."


To be continued.

Yoko Moura
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Yoko Moura »

kewl......... Yo! me a cat demon! .......... wierd,..and yet still awsome!

Silver Fox
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Silver Fox »

Chapter 6


Reya was eager to get up that morning. Today was the big day. The day she would fly to Japan. Though it was not even 6 am she burst out of her bed full of energy and threw her clothes on.
After a quick brush up she galloped down the steps and rushed to the fridge.
While Reya was eating her breakfast four ghost like figures stumbled into the kitchen. Reya paused from eating and looked up at them.
" Oh hey guys. Good Morning!!!!" Reya said ecstaticlly.
" Reya, do you know what time it is?" her sleepy father asked.
" Ummmmmmmm."
" You woke all of us up you wild horse!!!!" her brother Taylor yelled.
" Heheheh. Sorry guys, I guess I got a little too excited..."
" A little. You nearly shook down the whole freaken house!" her sister Erika screamed. " I bet the whole stinken country woke up cause of you!"
" Okay Erika, let's not get carried away." Reya's mother comented.
Reya looked down and started playing with her cereal.
" Well since we're all up now, I might us well make some french toast." Reya's mother replied.
" French Toast! Can I have some?" Reya asked.
" Well since you rushed down here and you already are eating cereal................. I don't care."



After breakfast Reya went outside to attend to her horse for the last time, until the next year. Her parents owned a small horse ranch in Maryland. It was a quiet and peaceful place that Reya adored. Reya walked into the scarlet weather beaten barn. All together her family possessed 5 horses. Two were her mother's, One her brother's, another was her sister's, and she had one of her own as well.
She walked up the aisle of stables until she came across Vermilion's stable.
Vermilion was a beautiful mare. She was a rich dark redish brown horse. Once Vermilion saw Reya she gave out a neigh and started wagging her tail back in forth jovially.
Reya patted Vermilion's velvet like nose.
" I'm going to miss you girl." Reya said in a somber tone. " But my Mom will take care of you while I'm gone, so your in good hands."
Reya then fetched a bucket of oats and fed her beloved horse. After a few more minutes of being alone she left the stables and went back inside her house.
She checked to make sure that she didn't miss anything when she packed her clothes several nights ago.
" Are you ready?" Reya's mother asked.
Reya looked down and nodded in approval.
" Well........ let's go to the airport then shall we."
"Wait, I want to go too!" Erika yelled as she ran over to her sister and mother.
Taylor also walked over to them.
" Me too."
This was getting too sensative for Reya. She tried to hold it in but her emotions over whelmed her. Tears started rolling down her face.
" ................. Guys........"
Reya lunged into her Mother and siblings and they all had a good bye hug.
" I'm going to miss you guys so much!" Reya said as she tried to hold back her tears.
Reya's father then walked in from outside.
" What's taking so long for you gu-".
He then noticed that they were having a moment.
Sarah gave her husband a motion and he soon joined them.
After a few more minutes the hugging stopped and they all went into their mini van to set off to the airport.








Meanwhile......

Koenma sat at his desk stamping papers like usual. Inside he was anxious and frightened to death. He had no idea to handle Dracanas.
" Uhhhh, sir." George said
The ogre walked into the room with an unsure tone of voice.
" What is it now ogre, can't you see I'm busy stamping papers?"
"Yes, but we have unexcpeted company." he replied.
" Who is it?"
" Ummmmm."
"Koenma." someone said from outside the room.
A dark figured approached Koenma. At first he didn't know who he was until he saw his eyes, which were a blood red.
" Ahh. Hiei??? What are you doing here? I thought you were in the demon world."
" I came to tell you about the demon world. Everyone is uptight. And I'm asking if you'd do something about it now before it gets any worse. Demons have been fleeing to the living world so they can escape Dracanas' wrath." Hiei said.
" I figured that was the cause in so many demon out bursts in the living world."
" You haven't done anything about Koenma. How come." Hiei said with a frustrated tone of voice.
" I'm trying, you have to understand."
" Uhhh. Why don't you let the demons come here sir." George suggested.
" Shut up!" Koenma yelled.
" Actually the ogre has a point. It's better if they came here then in the living world."
" I figured this would be about Yukina." Koenma replied.
Hiei didn't say anything, instead he walked over to the wall and leaned against it.
" You want Yukina to stay here, so she's safe."
" Of course, you full. Why would you think that I came all the way here to tell you."
" But, it would be crazy if demons would then come here. They wouldn't listen to me."
" They'll listen to Urameshi." Hiei said.
" I suppose your right.......Ogre, get connected with my father at once! Tell Hiei of my plan!"
" OF cource. I'll do it at once.
Koenma jumped out of his chair and walked over to Hiei.
" I hope this will work."

To be continued.

Delance
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Re: re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECT

Post by Delance »

ummm... silver, am i gonna be in this story (Delancey)? jst curious. :roll:


By the way, i luv the story! i also luv the story bcoz kurama is in there!!! :lol:

i can't wait 4 the next story!! :lol: :)

Silver Fox
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Re: re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECT

Post by Silver Fox »

Delance wrote:ummm... silver, am i gonna be in this story (Delancey)? jst curious. :roll:


By the way, i luv the story! i also luv the story bcoz kurama is in there!!! :lol:

i can't wait 4 the next story!! :lol: :)


This has nothing to do with the RP that I made. Reya is the character in my fanfic that I made up a few months ago.

WAKAI
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by WAKAI »

*claps hands*

its going smoothly ,keep the good work u fox you

Yoko Moura
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Yoko Moura »

HIEI! YAY! *drools* sorry and once again awsome job!

WAKAI
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by WAKAI »

where is the next chapter*tapin his bottle*

Silver Fox
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re: YU YU HAKUSHO STORY! THE NEW AMERICAN SPIRIT DETECTIVE!

Post by Silver Fox »

Chapter 7 ( Sorry it took so long to post. I posted this chapter before but then my computer got messed up and the whole thing erased. I didn't feel like typing it til now.)

Reya observed her new surroundings as she was being driven to Kayko's house for the first time. Not one hint of English anywhere. She felt a little overwhelmed at first, but she remained calm.
" You seem a little nervous, Reya." Kayko said.
" Yeah, I guess so. It feels weird to be so far from home.
" Oh don't worry Reya, I think you'll like it here."
" But I have to warn you. I'm horrible with chopsticks." Reya added.


After a few more minutes Reya, Kayko, and her parents arrived at their home.
" My parents run a store down stairs, so our house is upstairs." Kayko commented.
As they started walking into the house to red headed boys walked up the side walk.
" OH. Kur-.... I mean..... Shuuichi, Kuzuma, what are you doing here?" Kayko shouted.
" Huh, while are you calling him Shuu-....." Kuwabara noticed Reya standing next to Kayko.
" Ohhh. You must be that Reya girl, hahah I'm Kazuma, but everyone calls me Kuwabara." Kuwabara shouted trying to change the subject.
" And my name is Shuuichi." Kurama said.
" Uhhh hello Shuuichi and Kuwabara. My name is Reya, nice to meet you."
" These are my friends I've been talking to you about." Kayko said cheerfully.
" Ohhhh. uhhhhhh" Reya said as a bead of sweat appeared on her temple.
" We were just going to go to the arcade, do you two want to go?" Kurama asked.
"Well, maybe some other time, Reya has to get unpacked first and I'm sure she's tired from her long flight."
" Well okay then. It was nice meeting you." Kurama said as he continued walking.
" Bye!" Kuwabara said with a big grin across his face.
Reya went into the car to get her luggage with a bewildered look across her face.
" What's wrong Reya, you seem to be acting funny."
" Oh. Uhhhh nothing..." Reya said trying to reasure Kayko.
" Come on, you can tell me!" Kayko insisted.
" It's sort of just that uhhhh.... When you were talking about your friends on the phone and mentioned their names............ I sort of thought......... I THOUGHT SHUUICHI AND KAZUMA WERE GIRLS THAT'S WHAT...." Reya yelled.


A bead of sweat appeared on Kayko's temple.
" Oh.................."


To be continued....

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