alondite words (alistar's verses)

Show off your fan fiction, poetry, or links to your fan art.
User avatar
Alistar Ragnellus
Mobile Suit Otaku
Posts: 100
Joined: Apr 18, 2006 11:25am
Location: lost
Contact:

alondite words (alistar's verses)

Post by Alistar Ragnellus »

i apologize ahead of time, i dont think this verse will be any good, because of the lack of rythmic and emotional fuel for a topic. I'll have better material in my upcoming poems, so please bare with me. thankyou for your time.

Alistar-
-----------------------------------------------------
(untitled)

Tossed in the trenches and crushed in the crest,
I cling tightly to this false hope as I drift amongst this Twilight Sea.

An ocean of the tears,.. shed through the pain and sorrows we saw as we stood along side each other.
(that was a beautiful dream)

No matter how I cry out the storm drives away my voice, as if to taunt me telling me of the despair that i'm left with.

Slowly i resign myself, knowing all well i could never truly return to that far shore that held you there once waiting for my return.
(i hear the echo of your heartbeat)

Quietly now i drift off to sleep beneath these waves, your new formed animosity choking the light from my eyes.

Embracing only the finality as the wine dark water pours into my lungs, your enmity lashing through me an obsidian blade.
(shall i never awaken)

I pray you never fall victim to the uncaring night, finding peace instead in the emerald green light of the branch broken sun.

Knowing that though my memory will fade, the love i had for you will not fall though it was love itself that sacrificed me.
(i could never blame you)
Last edited by Alistar Ragnellus on Dec 10, 2006 2:09am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Alistar Ragnellus
Mobile Suit Otaku
Posts: 100
Joined: Apr 18, 2006 11:25am
Location: lost
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Alistar Ragnellus »

Lackidasical attitudes, burn away the endless hours,
the ears of the children growing restless for their tolling release into the day.
A warmth of new hope and life shining bright,
against the continuous drudge of the oppressive grind.
Stealing the vitality of our youth,
inspiration crushed and creativity denied by the heavy hands of our mentors.
With the light of our eyes snuffed out,
we train to become productive units,.......workers of the hive.
And as drones to the queen, we mindlessly march,
automatons of flesh and marrow.
Minds bleached and blinded, we forget ourselves,
unable to resist our enevitable fate.
Yet those who do, blasted and chastized,
are labeled the bad seed, cast from our society.
A waif of this world, i stand alone, bidding a final farewell,
and return once more to the truth and freedom.
Lying in the arms of one so loved....,
Lost in the emerald green.
Depu Techiikue
Visitor

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Depu Techiikue »

You had very nice vocabulary in this. The metaphors created articulate imagery. Poetry doesn't need to be emotionally driven to be good, remember that. :P

I like the whole bit talking about marching for the queen. It really leaves the reader into thinking and creating arcs. Very nice work Alistar!
User avatar
Alistar Ragnellus
Mobile Suit Otaku
Posts: 100
Joined: Apr 18, 2006 11:25am
Location: lost
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Alistar Ragnellus »

thank you. i really appreciate your opinion.
User avatar
animaniac
Uber Otaku
Posts: 723
Joined: Jun 02, 2006 6:33am
Location: Aussie Aussie Aussie!!!

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by animaniac »

oh alistar!!!!! its so beautifull..... and commenting on ur opening introduction..... stop saying u can do better! i only started going to this topic hoping to find one of ur poems and now that i ahve i can sleep easy... u have a talent beyond this world alistar ... u have to start realising that ^^
-AA Sibs: Rosemary-sama, saiko, rinslet, Fay D. flourite, Koyue, sakura-kiss, shio (my lovely), Brokenheart, lawliet, ashitaka, zippidy ^^, lenfa(filo sis 4 life)
-AA twin:Wolfgang
-AA biatch:Neo
User avatar
Alistar Ragnellus
Mobile Suit Otaku
Posts: 100
Joined: Apr 18, 2006 11:25am
Location: lost
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Alistar Ragnellus »

^ ^ ani! you really flatter me too much,...but just for that i'll make one just for you.
Youko Kurama007
Uber Otaku
Posts: 685
Joined: Jul 15, 2006 2:34am
Location: Wherever I Want To Be
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Youko Kurama007 »

Very good =D> =D>
I take everything i like. I Like Everything I Take.
º-Tenshi_Karasu-º aka Raquel Is MINE So Back Off From Her.
User avatar
Alistar Ragnellus
Mobile Suit Otaku
Posts: 100
Joined: Apr 18, 2006 11:25am
Location: lost
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Alistar Ragnellus »

^ ^ Ohka! i'll have to make one for you too, its a gift i give all my friends at some point.
User avatar
Alistar Ragnellus
Mobile Suit Otaku
Posts: 100
Joined: Apr 18, 2006 11:25am
Location: lost
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Alistar Ragnellus »

the warmth of the summer evening, torn by the gentle rage of the passing storm.

craddling our knees, afraid and alone. we are but yet, wayward children. knowing not what to do.

yearning for a life where we won't do without, we cry for the dream only having it fall on the deaf ears of darkness enshourding us.

How can you hide your tears that way,..your plastic smile.
you'd always slip away behind the safety of that false visage,..what was i to do.

the day you lost yourself was tragic, finding you beaten and bruised by those you held dear.

Yet you held back your pain behind that veil of bittersweet sunshine, as i railed at you the questions of why.

and your solemn melancholic answer tore my soul asunder.

"because,...i am ashamed. Ashamed of these tears i can't shed though i am filled with nothing but sorrow; in the end i'm not as strong as you",

it was then you broke a glass dove upon the concrete world.
head in hands, you wept the burdens you bore away.

Tattered and torn you sat there amidst the dirt and grime of our hellish forgotten world, a vagrants paradise with its landscapes depleted and worn.

Its then when my heart shuddered,You were so lovely.

could you blame me for that kiss, that i had so longed to give you.

for your words that did cut me so,...i have but one answer.
I'm may be naught but a fool, but i am your fool atleast.
Last edited by Alistar Ragnellus on Dec 26, 2007 8:04pm, edited 2 times in total.
Youko Kurama007
Uber Otaku
Posts: 685
Joined: Jul 15, 2006 2:34am
Location: Wherever I Want To Be
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Youko Kurama007 »

Good Job! =D> =D> =D>
I take everything i like. I Like Everything I Take.
º-Tenshi_Karasu-º aka Raquel Is MINE So Back Off From Her.
User avatar
animaniac
Uber Otaku
Posts: 723
Joined: Jun 02, 2006 6:33am
Location: Aussie Aussie Aussie!!!

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by animaniac »

omg! that was..... i cant even explain it.... theres just so much emotion in it... i love that one ali.... i read it more than 3 times i think (i lost track)because i cant make anything close to what u have created.... i loved the part when u wrote of the girl not crying even though she was broken inside... it reminded me of tohru honda in fruits baskets ..... ahhh and that ending line 'i may be naught but a fool, but i am your fool at least' - it gave me a sence of beautiful love that those two shared.... where one could lean on another.... ahh ali ... u r so talented - i dont know how muh i have said that but its all so true!!!! i know u r so gonna make that special girl feel so beautiful when u direct ur words to her..... ahhh i can picture it now... a perfect girl for a perfect man :heh: =D> never ever lose ur passion - not that u could anyway =D>
-AA Sibs: Rosemary-sama, saiko, rinslet, Fay D. flourite, Koyue, sakura-kiss, shio (my lovely), Brokenheart, lawliet, ashitaka, zippidy ^^, lenfa(filo sis 4 life)
-AA twin:Wolfgang
-AA biatch:Neo
User avatar
Alistar Ragnellus
Mobile Suit Otaku
Posts: 100
Joined: Apr 18, 2006 11:25am
Location: lost
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Alistar Ragnellus »

under the dust red scenery of the setting sun we sat, recalling the events in life that made us similar by compare. brothers in arms with stories of great trial and tribulation, looking down upon our barren home gazing on the flickering flames of warmth scattered through the labyrinthine ruin of our lost ground. vast numbers of vagabond children curled tight round the fires that show so dimly through the collapsed carcasses of once great buildings sleep soundly amongst one another, a tangled mesh of comforting peace, drifting slowly away into dreams that have never known sorrow. even in spite of such desolate images we stand strong, filled with the pride that though our existence is deprived and futile we are yet strong enough to survive till the dawning of new days. And with our arrogance we stand to greet the twilight, sending another rust colored cloud of dirt into the hazy air with the soft treading of our bare feet. Sending our hopes to join with the plump and weighted clouds that carry the desires of our slumbering siblings, we pray for their health and the silence that would grant them safety enough to remain in our hearts the the morning sun wakes them with the embrace we'd seek to give them. Hanging our hope on the stars we succumb to our fatigue, lying our heads next to the many souls we cherish.
Youko Kurama007
Uber Otaku
Posts: 685
Joined: Jul 15, 2006 2:34am
Location: Wherever I Want To Be
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Youko Kurama007 »

Good job! =D> =D> =D> =D> :D :D :D I like that one.
I take everything i like. I Like Everything I Take.
º-Tenshi_Karasu-º aka Raquel Is MINE So Back Off From Her.
User avatar
animaniac
Uber Otaku
Posts: 723
Joined: Jun 02, 2006 6:33am
Location: Aussie Aussie Aussie!!!

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by animaniac »

lovely...... i loved the way u described the scenery... it was so easy to imagine what it was like ... i love it! its different to the other ones ive seen from ur work , but nonetheless ... gorgeous ^^ =D> :mrgreen:
-AA Sibs: Rosemary-sama, saiko, rinslet, Fay D. flourite, Koyue, sakura-kiss, shio (my lovely), Brokenheart, lawliet, ashitaka, zippidy ^^, lenfa(filo sis 4 life)
-AA twin:Wolfgang
-AA biatch:Neo
User avatar
Alistar Ragnellus
Mobile Suit Otaku
Posts: 100
Joined: Apr 18, 2006 11:25am
Location: lost
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Alistar Ragnellus »

sorry i haven't written recently,...i'm in real pain,..i think i may have torn a muscule in my shoulder.....but please be patient i shall have something good very soon.......i'll make it especially for ani..i want to push my standard with this one.
Youko Kurama007
Uber Otaku
Posts: 685
Joined: Jul 15, 2006 2:34am
Location: Wherever I Want To Be
Contact:

Re: my verses (new work)

Post by Youko Kurama007 »

Can't wait to read it. \:D/
I take everything i like. I Like Everything I Take.
º-Tenshi_Karasu-º aka Raquel Is MINE So Back Off From Her.
Post Reply