Words locked away...

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Motoko Chan
Uber Otaku
Posts: 820
Joined: Apr 04, 2005 1:48pm
Gender: Female
Location: Nowhere you know of....

Words locked away...

Post by Motoko Chan »

Sometimes I wish I could yell out
scream out what I feel.
Create a tumult of sound to tell that
one person how he makes me feel.
But when I try to say what my
heart beats to say,the words
won't find themselves.

My heart beats for that one person,
but he won't know.No matter the
tumult in my head,the pounding of my heart.
If I can't find the words,then
they stay locked away,deep within the
inner reaches of my heart and soul.

If only you could see it in my eyes,
the way I feel,the way I act towards you
and know why I act that way,then maybe you'd understand.But No,you can't see it,and my words
are still locked away...
Cross your legs and smile!

Cold Revolver
Absolute Otaku
Posts: 3369
Joined: Jun 26, 2005 10:50pm
Gender: Male
Location: In your bathtub

Re: Words locked away...

Post by Cold Revolver »

Pretty good, I think that last bit could be re worked however. :) 9/10
Can you find your name?
Amigos list: NickMistaColaJohnAmrayYMBedeMikeTycheAthosCloudTrishMatLust<33GioSerasErikBiki

I am not gay, I'm just colorful Betch! =-]

8===D~~ [emo]
Baka Otaku
Posts: 7
Joined: Jul 30, 2005 3:49am
Location: cakeville

Re: Words locked away...

Post by 8===D~~ [emo] »

I thought this was the Talent section. Must me in brainless chitchat...
I am not unbearably sneaky. :-"

Absolute Otaku
Posts: 1913
Joined: Nov 07, 2004 12:45am
Gender: Male

Re: Words locked away...

Post by josh »

shut up cock emo.

It is a sweet piece of writing. You should write some more.
great friends: Jesus Christ. Dragon X. Locke. Ender. Bambi. Russel.

User avatar
Master Otaku
Posts: 62
Joined: Jan 30, 2007 12:24pm
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Location: Somewhere else

Re: Words locked away...

Post by demonduckofdoom »

Like Revolver, I think the last line or so could be improved, but overall it has a nice rhythm to it. Good work! \:D/
I'm only wearing black till they invent something darker.
'Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistant one'.
Of course I'm out of my mind-it's scary in there!

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