Here are some of my poems!

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shioricallisto
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Here are some of my poems!

Post by shioricallisto »

Here are some of my poems. Please tell me anything that is wrong with them, what I can improve on and any other comments(like if you liked it).

Death

Death is...
lonely and
scary.

Death is...
caused by many
stupid things.
Like people getting in
fights with their boyfriends,
or friends.

People that die...
may die alone,
or with someone.
Most people prefer to
die with someone beside
them.




She is Many Things

She can be many things.
She can be a...
friend,
lover,
or she can just be an another girl that you dated.

She can be a...
[censored],
somebody to cry on, and
she can be just another pretty face that you see everyday.

Everybody hates that she is...
judgemental,
tempermental,
tomboy,
stubborn,
very short tempered,
and that she is very fickle.

She loves that she...
loves people and cares for them,
gives people chances then gives up on them,
she falls in love all the time.



Daggers in My Heart

There are alot of daggers in my heart,
but none of them are like yours,
that is buried very deep in my heart and mind.
His words are like daggers that are piercing my heart over and over again.
Even though that he hates me I still love him,
and will keep on loving him forever,
knowing that I cannot have him as my own.




War

War causes many things.
It can cause people to feel lonely,
and empty.
People can also turn evil.
War causes stuff to be destructed like:
homes, farmland, life, and other things.
War is feared by many people.
People wish war would never come so
that they can have peace amongst the
world.




Love 2

Love is intense and emotional.
It is shared between lovers,
and expressed between them.
Love is intimate and involves;
your life, soul, body, and mind.
You find my heart and you
have my body.
Find my soul and I yours forever.



PLZ let me know what you'll think. :D :) 8)
**ANBU/Akatsuki Club- Captain of Squad 5**
***Akatsuki Club 1701- Captain of Squad 2***
***Anbu Club- Captain of Squad 1***
****Blood + Club- Kurado Rika - Saya****
Cool ppl: Renegade Chaos Angel,Karin Rengu,Twilight N. Wolf,Mast. Inu,bOi,Leo
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Gaming Goddess
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by Gaming Goddess »

LOL.
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist; but ordinary's just not good enough today.
Who needs imagination when you have a television?
Half of the Dream Team. Sup Mike? :wink: Part of the Sexy Trio =P~
BIKI! =3
Cold Revolver
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by Cold Revolver »

Gaming Goddess wrote:LOL.

Double LOLzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. :-"
Can you find your name?
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KarinDretJessKoyue

I am not gay, I'm just colorful Betch! =-]
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shioricallisto
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by shioricallisto »

PLZ tell me what you'll think.
**ANBU/Akatsuki Club- Captain of Squad 5**
***Akatsuki Club 1701- Captain of Squad 2***
***Anbu Club- Captain of Squad 1***
****Blood + Club- Kurado Rika - Saya****
Cool ppl: Renegade Chaos Angel,Karin Rengu,Twilight N. Wolf,Mast. Inu,bOi,Leo
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Gaming Goddess
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by Gaming Goddess »

LOL means; you suck.
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist; but ordinary's just not good enough today.
Who needs imagination when you have a television?
Half of the Dream Team. Sup Mike? :wink: Part of the Sexy Trio =P~
BIKI! =3
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shioricallisto
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by shioricallisto »

Does anybody have any comments or any ideas to give me. Ideas to help me make my poems sound better.
**ANBU/Akatsuki Club- Captain of Squad 5**
***Akatsuki Club 1701- Captain of Squad 2***
***Anbu Club- Captain of Squad 1***
****Blood + Club- Kurado Rika - Saya****
Cool ppl: Renegade Chaos Angel,Karin Rengu,Twilight N. Wolf,Mast. Inu,bOi,Leo
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Hardcore
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by Hardcore »

Your grammar is horrible.
And you use too many similes
Decisions to decisions are made and not bought, but I thought this wouldn't hurt a lot. I guess not.
Seras
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by Seras »

I like Ryhmes. like:

I saw a cat
he's wearing a hat
by the way he's fat
and carrying a bat.
So no comments about the fat cat in a hat
or he'll hit you with his bat!
Now that I've settled down a bit, got knowledge of the land and have a routine set up I can finally get back to doing what I wanna do most... Can someone tell me what that is?
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by scorpionwarrior »

But that wasn't that,
Said Mat.

I feel as though you're stating fact more than you are making a poem. I don't see any flow in them, just seems like spoken words.
"The world isn't perfect. But it's there for us, doing the best it can....that's what makes it so damn beautiful." - Roy Mustang

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shioricallisto
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by shioricallisto »

K thank you. There for a while I thought that nobody liked me and thought that I was wierd.
**ANBU/Akatsuki Club- Captain of Squad 5**
***Akatsuki Club 1701- Captain of Squad 2***
***Anbu Club- Captain of Squad 1***
****Blood + Club- Kurado Rika - Saya****
Cool ppl: Renegade Chaos Angel,Karin Rengu,Twilight N. Wolf,Mast. Inu,bOi,Leo
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Gaming Goddess
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by Gaming Goddess »

shioricallisto wrote:K thank you. There for a while I thought that nobody liked me and thought that I was wierd.
We don't think you're weird. We think you're stupid.
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist; but ordinary's just not good enough today.
Who needs imagination when you have a television?
Half of the Dream Team. Sup Mike? :wink: Part of the Sexy Trio =P~
BIKI! =3
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shioricallisto
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by shioricallisto »

Well that definately doesn't make me feel any better knowing that people think of me as being stupid.
**ANBU/Akatsuki Club- Captain of Squad 5**
***Akatsuki Club 1701- Captain of Squad 2***
***Anbu Club- Captain of Squad 1***
****Blood + Club- Kurado Rika - Saya****
Cool ppl: Renegade Chaos Angel,Karin Rengu,Twilight N. Wolf,Mast. Inu,bOi,Leo
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shioricallisto
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by shioricallisto »

:( :((
**ANBU/Akatsuki Club- Captain of Squad 5**
***Akatsuki Club 1701- Captain of Squad 2***
***Anbu Club- Captain of Squad 1***
****Blood + Club- Kurado Rika - Saya****
Cool ppl: Renegade Chaos Angel,Karin Rengu,Twilight N. Wolf,Mast. Inu,bOi,Leo
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Gaming Goddess
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by Gaming Goddess »

shioricallisto wrote:Well that definately doesn't make me feel any better knowing that people think of me as being stupid.
Is that seriously all you're going to say to that?
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist; but ordinary's just not good enough today.
Who needs imagination when you have a television?
Half of the Dream Team. Sup Mike? :wink: Part of the Sexy Trio =P~
BIKI! =3
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shioricallisto
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by shioricallisto »

Yea maybe considering somebody just called me stupid. How would you feel if somebody called you stupid.
**ANBU/Akatsuki Club- Captain of Squad 5**
***Akatsuki Club 1701- Captain of Squad 2***
***Anbu Club- Captain of Squad 1***
****Blood + Club- Kurado Rika - Saya****
Cool ppl: Renegade Chaos Angel,Karin Rengu,Twilight N. Wolf,Mast. Inu,bOi,Leo
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Re: Here are some of my poems!

Post by Tyche »

Funny thing is... GG has no reason to be called stupid. :P
Despair... so delicious...
Fear... so exhilarating...


Shankd: Hurry your asses up! He's gradually catching up to us. Walk, WALK FOR YOUR LIVES!
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