Page 105 of 119

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 11:42am
by Aiden
AngelicDream wrote:
Nia wrote:
AngelicDream wrote:Oh okay, I see now, so Monday then.
Izzy...

I love you, dear.
Okay then??
v.v
Eh, nevermind then.
I just don't want you to get any thinner.


I'm really distracted with Felix. He doesn't understand. I told him when he was little that I couldn't take him,
because Tobias would have literally killed me, but he wouldn't have just killed me, he would've slaughtered
Felix too. I didn't take him because it was the best for both of us. I didn't want Tobias to kill my boy. My
adorable baby boy. v.v And I'm really depressed that he won't even give me a chance, that if I touched
Kage he would kill me, but I just I love her so much. I feel that he doesn't understand anything and it really is
getting to me. It's started to hit me hard and I don't know where to turn. I think he's really trying to guilt me,
he's trying to think of why I didn't come visit him, why I want to be in his life now and everything I tell him, he
just throws back at me, like they're worthless, and I'm really getting to the point where I want to break off my
contract with my father, I want to be a mortal again and just kill myself, because if I'm not on good terms
with my son, I can't see Kage. I don't want him to kill me for seeing her because he doesn't like me. I don't
know what to do anymore. As of the last time I talked with Felix, I've felt so alone. I've gone out so many
times trying to just kill myself, I want to just kill myself. I've tried so many things, and right now I feel that it's almost a pity I'm still alive. And I really do feel that the only time Felix will accept me, is when I'm dead and away from his mother. When I'm away from Kage, but I'm stuck at the point that I don't want to kill myself because I love Kage and I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to leave her, I made a promise and I can't break that, but there's also Felix, my boy that I've ever since denied raising him and hating every minute of not knowing him, not holding him and raising him, but I couldn't and I wish he would realize why I did it. I need so much help, Kage, I need to talk with you about Felix. I can't do anything. I know I shouldn't give up but there's nothing I can do. He even said there's nothing anyone else can do to change his mind, and that's what hit me hardest, there's nothing I can do to change his mind and nothing he'll do to allow me to get to at least know him. I'm really hurting. v.v
-Nisroc

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 12:25pm
by Grell
I'm a monster.

I have only that to say for myself. I have no excuses, and I won't even try to make this right, because I've finally done it. I've [censored] up so badly there's no excuse for it. Not even a joke of one. I can't take it back, and I can't apologize for it. Or I could, but it wouldn't mean much. I'm a monster.

If I said I'd run away and disappear, would you still argue with it? Would you let me go, silently thanking the gods that I was gone? Does it hurt your view of me to know what a monster I really am? Of course it does. I scared you, I upset you. It doesn't even matter who's fault anything was. Point is, I was wrong, and I have nothing to do about it. That's it.

All I can say is that I'm a monster, and that there's nothing anyone can do to stop me from jumping. I'm going swimming after school.

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 12:30pm
by Kage
........I dont know what to say. Just don't die ok? It hurts...It always hurts. I'll talk to felix and too you as well

Kelly kncok it the [censored] off! Peopl hurt each other on purpose and sometimes not. Maybe you shouldn't of come over yesterday. Clam the [censored] down!

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Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 12:33pm
by Grell
I don't care. Why should I calm down? Why should I knock it off? I never had anyone forcing me to before, why should I listen now? I'm sick of myself. You gonna do something about it? Whatcha gonna do about it? I'd like to see you do something. But you won't.

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 12:37pm
by Kage
Im trying to protect my family. What are you doing?

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 12:40pm
by Grell
Trying to save them the pain of seeing 'me' again.

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 12:42pm
by Kage
They don't hate you. They hate some of the choices you make. Make better ones and you will never cause them pain.

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 12:46pm
by Grell
You say it like its so easy. Why don't you make it sound as hard as it really is, then give me the option to do it, huh? Why do I have to make all the decisions? Maybe I just want to die. Maybe I've been dead inside since October, and no one's noticed, but when I finally say what I feel, its always "do this better" "Make better whatevers" "Do that" Whatever.

I'm a monster. Leave the monster alone, and go play house with Lirial.

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 12:47pm
by Kage
If you are a monster then why did you save Aic?

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 12:48pm
by Grell
Maybe you're thinking of someone else. Go save someone who wants to be saved.

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 3:48pm
by Kyro
I'm a monster. Leave the monster alone, and go play house with Lirial.
That was uncalled for Rain. He's just trying to help and you should be grateful for that. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and pull your head from your ass.

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 7:15pm
by Grell
Kyro wrote:
I'm a monster. Leave the monster alone, and go play house with Lirial.
That was uncalled for Rain. He's just trying to help and you should be grateful for that. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and pull your head from your ass.
Yeah, cause YOU'RE really one to be able to tell me that.

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 7:17pm
by Kage
Shut UP!

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 7:18pm
by Grell
Actually, I had no intention of starting up again. I just don't like it when people think my head is shoved in my ass. I might be an [censored], but that's not where my head is.

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 8:14pm
by Fueadyen
I disappear for a day and some and all hell breaks loose. [censored] great...Kelly, stop with the idiocy. Nothing is so bad that you can't fix it. Ever. And I will stop you. I normally do. For now, I want you to calm down. I'm not kidding either. I will tackle you and chain you to a pole when I visit -_- Try me. You do matter, whether you think otherwise or not. So stop with the bullshit and perk up. I'm the [censored] here, and I'll be one, if it means you'll stop with this. You're in charge, yea, and you make your own decisions, but [censored] if I'll let you make one that [censored] with the rest of us. No one deserves losing a friend. I know this better than most. I've lost a few, to suicide specifically. Please, just calm down, and wait. It shall all be over soon enough.

Re: ((Invites only)) Taruinia

Posted: May 18, 2009 8:24pm
by Grell
She's going on an almost complete food strike. She's had nothing all day, and insists that's how it'll be until she falls down from exhaustion.

And if anyone is wondering, its Dream.