First off, the things I'm saying here aren't to be mean. They aren't to be cruel. They are the truth as I know it. I am only responding and saying what I feel is neccassary. Which it probably really isn't. But they're things you should know.Nia wrote:Rain, what is wrong with you? It's bothering everyone. Nia especially. She really sorry about yesterday.
She along with so many people don't want to feel alienated just because your mood. I can understand if not
being here is making you insane, but that no reason to have people pity you or in turn yell at people
because of something that's going on in your life.
There is nothing wrong with me. This is how I was until I met you guys. I've mellowed out ALOT since middle school. It was never something I wanted you to see.
Why should she be sorry? She doesn't have to be. No one does. Its my fault, and I've accepted that.
And why would anyone feel alienated?
Also, I don't want anyone's pity. I hate pity.
I was with Kage saturday, and spent the night at her house sunday. I wasn't alone all weekend.Nia wrote:Nia normally wouldn't wrestle with anyone besides
maybe Francis, but if you need it, she welcome to wrestle with you. She just wants you to be better again.
We all do. I just hope you'll be willing to do something about it and hope you'll be willing to take her offer.
She feels that it's mostly that the fact that you've been alone this weekend and Nia hasn't been over at your
house is what's motivating this, so if you need her to be there tonight or tomorrow night or whatever, she'll
willing to do what you need. Even if it is just that you need to talk or fight or bicker or whatever. It's good for
you to get stuff like this out. We [everyone] just wants you back. The not insane Rain we saw yesterday,
and the somewhat happier Rain in days past. And if it means practically killing myself to help you, or in
Nia's case practically killing herself to make you feel better, she's completely willing to do so.
I don't want to wrestle with anyone.
And I'll never feel better. Maybe I don't want to feel better. I don't want you to forgive me. I don't want you to keep pulling me back in. I'd rip my heart out and give it to you, but unfortunately, I need that to live, so I'll keep the pain it gives me.
I have never been happy with myself. I will never BE happy with myself. I will never DO anything worth being proud of, and I will NEVER amount to anything. That's what I figured out early on. And I will forever feel completely and utterly alone.Nia wrote:Rain, I'm so sick of your attitude, your belief that you're a terrible, horrible monster that all your doing is destroying those you love. Well, trust me your right, you're killing everyone. I really do hope you're happy, you're content with yourself and your actions. I hope you're real [censored] proud of yourself.
But what I hope the most is that you come out of this and come out of it quick, you don't know how many people you could lose to this behaviour, but you do, you should know who will always stay.
In a room full of people, I alone do not exist.
Kage SHOULD be sick of my [censored]. And everyone else along with her. Do they get tired of it, yeah. But do they ever really leave? No. Not yet. Yet. I say yet because elementary and middle school prepared me for when everyone leaves.Nia wrote:I feel that Kage's even getting to the point where she's sick of your [censored], but I don't know, it just seems that way. I know for a fact that even if you were to get to the point where you would KILL people if they didn't get away from you, Nia would still stand there. She would die by your hands if it meant never leaving... if it still meant being your friend. I just hope you would've realize this earlier.
Its pretty hot today, isn't it? I think today for sure I'll go swimming.Nia wrote:Rain, I'm sorry about yesteday.
If you want to go out in the woods sometime, like up at mount simon, I'm willing to go with you. I'll be willing to do whatever, even if that whatever doesn't mean you're going to automatically be happy. I just want to be there with you.... no matter what.
Because frankly, yesterday in the Library, didn't scare me. Kinda bothered me, but it didn't scare me and I've never seen you like that before.