Both of those are valid points. But Pennyroyal, I really am sorry for my behavior. That's the honest truth, and if you don't believe it, that's your choice. And I don't blame anyone for hating me or not believing me, because I've never believed I've earned anyone's trust. And I could care less about friggin votes at this point. These are my ideals and opinions, and I feel that I need to stand up for myself at this point.
Mistakes happen. And a lot of times, for some people, they happen alot. On accident. Sometimes its because we forget, or sometimes its because we just aren't thinking. Whatever the reasons we come up with, nobody cares. They see only the mistakes past and present, and then anticipate the mistakes yet to come. And really, there isn't any excuse for the things we've done. Even when someone is trying, even if they're trying their hardest, there's no guarantee they'll be able to live up to the standards set out for them. Sometimes, its because they're trying so hard that they slip. The constant pressure to do better sinks them. Be it grades, a job, chores, or anything else. Sometimes, people slip. And usually, if they're going to slip, it happens at the worst possible place/time/person.
Call it luck. Call it karma. Call it life. People mess up. And if people mess up, its usually horribly. I'm not just saying this to defend myself at this point, I'm trying to just... make a point. I don't care if none of you ever like me. I don't care if any of you hate me while you're on AA or if you even want to rip my head off and tear my guts out in real life. If you wanna find me and try it, go ahead. I don't care at this point, because I believe I probably deserve it. But if you're going to, at least say you've screwed something up. And everyone has, whether they wanna say or not. I don't care how you take this, because everyone interprets things differently. So I'll keep answering everything I can until I've run out of answers/ideals to explain how I feel/think. That's the way I am. Maybe I'm a sad, pathetic, little girl. Maybe I'm just screwed up. But at least I admit it. I'm not proud of what I've done, no. In fact, I can honestly say I regret those things, anything, that I've done. And I don't normally regret things, since life is only lived once. People don't really have time to regret things. But I'm proud to be who I am. Maybe that has nothing to do with this, but I felt I needed to say it, so I did.
I've never been very popular, and its probably for obvious reasons. Just take a look at my pic. Any normal person would run from that. And yes, that is me in the picture. And yes, I do wear that out in public. Just today, a few jocks commented on how my hat was the gayest thing they'd ever seen. They're lucky I didn't turn around and punch them. But what I'm trying to say is that I'd like your forgiveness, because its harder to live with a mistake when you know that everyone is blaming you. And yes, its selfish. But this is a selfish world. Everything that seems selfless is really based on selfish reasoning.
And now that I've given a totally dramatic, crappy speech on how I feel about all this that makes no sense what-so-ever...