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Agony

Posted: May 15, 2007 11:44pm
by SASSZAIN
This is just something I wrote. Dunno what it means, just know i wrote it. I'm posting it here `cause i kinda have nothing better to do right now so yeah xD;;

_________________________

Agony:

Love and Hate. Both are tributes to life and its inquisitions of our souls.

Let now be the end.
Time undone.
When all breaks loose.
Chaos ensues.
Life dissipates.
Mortals suffer.
Emotions perish.
Death arrives.

The dark light comes, to destroy the living for The living bring the white light, that casts out the darkness.

Let now be the beginning.
Time starts.
When bonds are created.
Chaos settles.
Life spawns.
Mortals grow.
Emotions flourish.
Death cowers.

Life and Death. Two in one. Life without death is not life, but being. Thus death without life is meaningless.

Let now be the story.
Time flows
When events take place.
Chaos happens.
Life changes.
Mortals learn.
Emotions flicker.
Death creeps.
_______________________


Yeeeeah well thats about it. Tell me what you think I guess. xD;

Re: Agony

Posted: May 17, 2007 4:06am
by maria
Your poem is very choppy. As in it flows from short statement to short statement in a jarring way. Not saying thats bad at all... also the repition is nice

Re: Agony

Posted: May 17, 2007 4:18am
by Meghan
It's okay...Like Maria said it's choppy.

Re: Agony

Posted: May 17, 2007 5:32am
by SASSZAIN
lol YaY its crappy!! *Note: I think everything i make is crappy. How I improve.

Vut yesh. the cho[[y i noticed too and was like "Why is that there?" Then realized "Why the heck am i even writing this? Meh better not to ask myself about it" xD;;

Re: Agony

Posted: May 17, 2007 7:21am
by Furious Fister!
its like every emo angst poem out there, and its pretty boring i stop reading like halfway through.

Re: Agony

Posted: May 17, 2007 9:59am
by Demyx
I think its good. Its kind of thoughtful, even if you didn't mean it that way. and the short sentences jar the reader in a way that makes a pattern. its subtle, yet disguised. I think its really good, despite what others say.

Re: Agony

Posted: May 17, 2007 10:20am
by SASSZAIN
Anansi wrote:I think its good. Its kind of thoughtful, even if you didn't mean it that way. and the short sentences jar the reader in a way that makes a pattern. its subtle, yet disguised. I think its really good, despite what others say.
Yah know what freaks me out?

I think my subconcious was going for tyhat effect when i wrote it.
Furious Fister! wrote:its like every emo angst poem out there, and its pretty boring i stop reading like halfway through.

Thank you. Opinion Noted. Placed in file 13. thanks for playing. come again soon. :mrgreen:

Re: Agony

Posted: May 17, 2007 11:36am
by Furious Fister!
SASSZAIN wrote:
Furious Fister! wrote:its like every emo angst poem out there, and its pretty boring i stop reading like halfway through.

Thank you. Opinion Noted. Placed in file 13. thanks for playing. come again soon. :mrgreen:
=; ur so mature 4 reacting that way to honest criticism.

Re: Agony

Posted: May 20, 2007 4:22pm
by SASSZAIN
Any other opinions? From people who read the whole thing i mean.

Re: Agony

Posted: May 20, 2007 5:07pm
by Pyro Psycho
It's really good. Aww it's kinda sad and all too true. Nice tie up with life. You made me think though :cry:

Re: Agony

Posted: May 20, 2007 5:18pm
by SASSZAIN
Pyro Psycho wrote:It's really good. Aww it's kinda sad and all too true. Nice tie up with life. You made me think though :cry:
:D thanks I like to make people think. Its better for their health xD

Re: Agony

Posted: May 20, 2007 6:01pm
by Furious Fister!
SASSZAIN wrote:Any other opinions? From people who read the whole thing i mean.
i did read the whole thing, i was just kidding.

Re: Agony

Posted: May 20, 2007 6:30pm
by SASSZAIN
Didnt seem likea joke. Usualy jokes are followed by laughter from more than one party., I saw no laughter, and it appeared as rude. Try adding this smple emote " :lol: " or "j/k" or something. : / otherwise you come off as rude. Anyways, thats off topic.
So its like every other emo agnst poem out there. Meh. Its supposed to be about life. If Life is emo then well, i guess thats that XD lifeis what it is and there is no changing what is, only what shall be.