Absolute Anime

we all know adult jokes are funnier...so come on and share your favorites

what men would do if they had a vagina for a day
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language).

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time." "And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis... fifty times!"

>Please note my mother is sick (twisted) and she sends this crap to me, Also some may view a couple of these as racist or whatever, but I'm mixed Half black and half white, and I live with my mother (she's the black one ) So just enjoy the jokes...<



Subject: THE CAT



>A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night -light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.

>They phoned the local cab company and requested a cab. The taxi arrived
>and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.
>>
>>The cat they had put out in the backyard scoots back in their house.
They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries
to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to
get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
>>
>>Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house
>will be empty for the night. She explains to the cab driver that her
>husband will be out soon.
>>
>>"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
>>
>>A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long,"
he says, as they drove away. "That stupid idiot was hiding under the bed. Had
to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!

"She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her
>in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me. But it worked.
I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the backyard!"
>>
>>The cab driver hit a parked car.............


>Subject: Leroy
>
>
>LEROY THE GOLD-TOOTHED REINDEER
> HAD A VERY NAPPY FRO
> AND IF YOU EVER SAW HIM
> HE WAS AT THE LIQUOR STO
> ALL OF LEROY'S HOMEBOYS
> USE TO PLAYA HATE HIS GAME
> BUT THEY CAN'T MESS WITH LEROY
> 'CAUSE HE GOT A BIG OLE THANG
> THEN ONE SMOGGY CHRISTMAS DAY
> SANTA CAME TO SAY
> LEROY HAVE YOU SEEN MY SLEIGH
> I KNOW YOU HAD IT THE OTHER DAY
> SO LEROY BROKE OUT RUNNIN'
> AND SANTA PULLED OUT HIS NINE
> AND SANTA SHOT POOR LEROY
> DEAD IN HIS BLACK BEHIND....
>
>

lol

Sex is like math... subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray that you don't multiply!

FreakyGothChick wrote:Sex is like math... subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray that you don't multiply!

SO EFFING TRUE

Not a joke as such, but funny none the less:
http://www.alzmedia.com/images/funny/0210.jpg

Quaker wrote:Not a joke as such, but funny none the less:
http://www.alzmedia.com/images/funny/0210.jpg

*rotflmao*

This guy and his wife are driving down a road and the husband is driving slowly. So The wife offers to start doing a strip tease for him if he will just drive faster. So the man steps on the gas. The wife starts to strip and the man stops watching the road to watch his wife. Finally she is naked and the man ends up drashing the car and it rolls over. The Woman and one running shoe are thrown out of the car. The wife tries to open the car but it will not open. So she asks her husband what they should do. The man says "Well I think there was a gas station back a little bit."
"But I cannot go like this !" exclaimed the naked wife
"Cover up with that shoe!" suggests the husband.
The woman puts the shoe over her hole and walks to the gas station. She aproaches the gas attendant and says
"My husband is stuck!You have to help him get out."
The man looks her over and then says "Sorry Lady, he's too far in."

Cool joke Kardis.

Quaker wrote:Cool joke Kardis.

Thanks Quaker ^.^

"I object to all this sex on the television. I mean I keep falling off."

"I've been riding horses since I was a boy. I guess I never met the right girl."

Hehe. I saw this one on a t-shirt. It had an image of a car and above it it said:

"MY OTHER RIDE IS YOUR MOM."