Movie Review: Terminatrix
It is the year... uh... something-or-other, I forget exactly... or wait, perhaps they never mentioned what year it was... well at any rate, it is sometime in the future. The Earth's population has skyrocketed out of control, and desperate actions are required to keep this planet inhabitable. Thus, the new world government takes it upon themselves to enact strict regulations against sex. Outlawed for personal pleasure, only certain individuals are allowed to do the deed, and only for the purpose of procreation. Yeah, tell me that wouldn't suck!
Yet there was one woman who had the willingness and determination to stand against this... well, actually there were lots of women willing to sta... hold on, there must have been men too, I'm sure men were willing to fight against this as well, although I don't think they actually mentioned specifics in the film... ahhh, stupid tangents! Well anyway, it doesn't even matter, so the one woman I mentioned previously, Hanako Sera, organized a resistance movement which fought back against this government control. As the resistance grew, the government got worried. They needed a way to stop this resistance. But killing the woman who led it would just turn her into a martyr. They needed another way....
And so the new world government, after looking at all the possibilities and seeing absolutely no other option, finally decided on a plan to halt this resistance... they would send a sexy female cyborg back through time with the sole mission of finding Kota Sera, the resistance leader's father, and having sex with him until he is impotent, thus stopping him from ever having a daughter. Luckily, the resistance movement was able to send one lone sexy female back to the past as well in order to warn and protect Kota Sera. And hold for laughter...
Okay, so the plot doesn't make any practical sense, but this is a cheesy, campy, soft-core erotic parody flick, so it doesn't need to. All you need for this kind of film is naked chicks, goofy characters, and funny scenes, and this one has got all three. As in The Terminator, the movie which this is parodying (as if you couldn't have figured that out on your own), both travelers arrive in the past, at night, and butt-naked. Once in the past, which would be present day to us, they start out by seeking some threads.
The first traveler to arrive is the cyborg, otherwise known as the T-69 Terminatrix. She appears nearby a car in which a couple had just recently finished... uh... having a good time. The guy gets out of the car to see what's going on, but she either kills him or just knocks him out, it's not really made clear. She then corners his date, and we get a quick shot of the Terminatrix's viewpoint, which is basically just a normal view with a grid overlay. The words "Body Match" flash...indicating that we're going to be seeing her boobies once again (yep, we see them in the car before the Terminatrix arrives). And as expected, the Terminatrix forces her to remove her clothes. The human, Kaoru, arrives shortly afterward, landing squarely on the car's windshield. Unfortunately (or fortunately for us viewers), the only clothes the terrified woman has left is a pair of panties.
The next we see of the Terminatrix, she is in a room with a sleazy looking man purchasing much of his sex toy inventory. Assumedly she is going to use these to help bring about Kota Sera erection, but basically the scene is really just here for the sole purpose of parodying the scene in the Terminator where he's "buying" all the guns. So when she's done selecting everything she wants and the guy asks how she'll be paying, she says in a cold, monotone voice "with my body". Now skip forward to the bathroom where she's riding him in a tub and we are given a perspective from her grid-enhanced point of view where a message pops up stating "climax taking too long". Next thing we get is a close up of her butt twitching, a few painful cracking sounds, and a shot of him screaming in agony before he passes out. I know it may not seem like it in writing, but these scenes will crack you up.
Anyway, the next morning we find Kaoru hiding naked under a bridge underpass. When a girl on her way to school passes by, Kaoru jumps out, steals her uniform, and takes off to Kota's apartment. Once there, she "hides" outside next to the door until his female friend leaves, and as soon as she does Kaoru instantly dashes up behind her and lifts up her skirt in an attempt to see if she's wearing any panties. We find out later that Kaoru does this because she doesn't know what the Terminatrix looks like, just that it doesn't wear panties. Kaoru then attempts to explain the situation, but of course he doesn't believe any of it and just thinks that she's completely nuts.
Well, it's not long before the Terminatrix catches up to Kota Sera. Fortunately for our Kota, the one she finds is just some guy who happened to have the same name. Of course, when he sees the guy getting wheeled to the hospital, and catches a glimpse of his crushed pecker, he gets worried. Unfortunately, he still doesn't know what the Terminatrix looks like, so when she shows up at the bar where he works, he is easily seduced by her "charms", which basically consists of her kissing him out of the blue. But as luck would have it, Kaoru shows up again, and helps rescues him just in the nick of time!
Alright, I won't go through the whole movie, but suffice it to say there is plenty more nudity and hilarious situations that follow. And of course Kaoru and Kota eventually end up falling in love and getting it on, so we can all pretty much assume that Kaoru is actually the mother of the woman whom she was trying to save. There is definitely room for a sequel here, and I'd sure love to see one, though only if the same production people are called in. They obviously know how to do this type of movie and have it turn out well, which can't be easy, making it erotic, yet funny, with a silly plot that is still played straight the whole way though, and goofy characters that you just enjoy watching and seeing what happens to them.
Terminatrix is being re-released in June of 2005 on DVD both as an individual title (for $9.95) and as part of the Kei Mizutani DVD Collection (for $59.95) by Central Park Media under their Asia Pulp Cinema label. This time the release will contain the Japanese language track with optional subtitles as well as the English dubbed track. The film stars Kei Mizutani, Naofumi Natsuda, Shouku Kudou, Saiko Ichijou, Yuuki Fujisawa, and Yasunori Matsuda. It was originally released in Japan in 1995, and then in the US in 2001.
