Fan Fiction, but only just a start

[MARS4]

I would first like to note that the fan fiction is about Yutaka Watari and Kazutaka Muraki, both characters of Yoko Matsushita's manga and anime series, "Yami no Matseui", or also kown as "Descenants of Darkness". I do not own any of the characters or show at all.
I would also like to note that this fan fiction is a bit 'yaoi'(boy on boy love), BUT, it is not too excplicit(sp?)... not yet, anyway. :3).

I have no written very much yet, but here is the prologue. Please tell me what you think of it, what I could change, etc. Thank you! <3

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Watari Yutaka & Muraki Kazutaka
~fan fiction~
By: Elizabeth

Prologue: As he started to wake up, he could feel the cold, metal table that caused him to have goose bumps. Laying there in the dark, he tried to sit up, but he felt his wrists and ankles were restrained by big, thick leather belts. A door suddenly creaks open, and closed shortly after. Clomp, clomp, clomp, footsteps came from the door and got closer and closer to him. Silence fell... then flick!, a big, bright light came on right above him. He flinched and closed his eyes. He tried to peek one open, but without his glasses, it was even harder to see. Suddenly, a sharp, thin, ice cold object was rested on his bare chest, which made him shudder and shiver. A chuckle was heard right next to him. “Mr. Yutaka Watari...” the cold voice said, but with a bit of enthusiasm.

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Yeah, that's all I have so far. I need to add more to the prologue... but I haven't decided what yet. D:
I thank you if you take the time reading it <3 It would mean a lot to me, too, if you could reply. = D thanks a bunch! <3

[Grell]

You seem to be a fairly competant writer, but I think you need a little work on your spelling and grammar.

(correct spelling for these words)
Descendants
Explicit

Also, work on your word choice to make the story read easier. Instead of using a block paragraph form, try using tab to show where each section of writing is divided by.

If you need help looking for words or synonyms, try using dictionary.refence.com

[MARS4]

Thank you veyr much ^_^ Yeah, I need to work on my word choice a lot. I suck at writing or describing things. xD
the block/tab thing, yeah... I was actually using that as just one whle thing. But I should devide it quite a bit, I guess. xD I have written a lot more now, but it's on my other computer at home. I'll try getting around to posting more of it, if I can. :3
Thank you very much! *hugs* ;___;

[Grell]

lol No problem. I know that when you start out writing, it can be very difficult, because a lot of people would rather just tell you that you suck and not what you're doing wrong. Of course, that's also because a lot of people generally have problems with grammar and spelling, so I'm happy to help. ^ ^

Also, something that helps with how you read it, or how it sounds, is if you read it out loud the way you have it written. Pause at commas, periods, and the like, and if the words sound funny/bad, then make changes.