Here are some of my poems!

[shioricallisto]

Here are some of my poems. Please tell me anything that is wrong with them, what I can improve on and any other comments(like if you liked it).

Death

Death is...
lonely and
scary.

Death is...
caused by many
stupid things.
Like people getting in
fights with their boyfriends,
or friends.

People that die...
may die alone,
or with someone.
Most people prefer to
die with someone beside
them.



She is Many Things

She can be many things.
She can be a...
friend,
lover,
or she can just be an another girl that you dated.

She can be a...
[censored],
somebody to cry on, and
she can be just another pretty face that you see everyday.

Everybody hates that she is...
judgemental,
tempermental,
tomboy,
stubborn,
very short tempered,
and that she is very fickle.

She loves that she...
loves people and cares for them,
gives people chances then gives up on them,
she falls in love all the time.


Daggers in My Heart

There are alot of daggers in my heart,
but none of them are like yours,
that is buried very deep in my heart and mind.
His words are like daggers that are piercing my heart over and over again.
Even though that he hates me I still love him,
and will keep on loving him forever,
knowing that I cannot have him as my own.



War

War causes many things.
It can cause people to feel lonely,
and empty.
People can also turn evil.
War causes stuff to be destructed like:
homes, farmland, life, and other things.
War is feared by many people.
People wish war would never come so
that they can have peace amongst the
world.



Love 2

Love is intense and emotional.
It is shared between lovers,
and expressed between them.
Love is intimate and involves;
your life, soul, body, and mind.
You find my heart and you
have my body.
Find my soul and I yours forever.


PLZ let me know what you'll think.

[Gaming Goddess]

LOL.

[Cold Revolver]

LOL.

Double LOLzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

[shioricallisto]

PLZ tell me what you'll think.

[Gaming Goddess]

LOL means; you suck.

[shioricallisto]

Does anybody have any comments or any ideas to give me. Ideas to help me make my poems sound better.

[Hardcore]

Your grammar is horrible.
And you use too many similes

[Seras]

I like Ryhmes. like:

I saw a cat
he's wearing a hat
by the way he's fat
and carrying a bat.
So no comments about the fat cat in a hat
or he'll hit you with his bat!

[scorpionwarrior]

But that wasn't that,
Said Mat.

I feel as though you're stating fact more than you are making a poem. I don't see any flow in them, just seems like spoken words.

[shioricallisto]

K thank you. There for a while I thought that nobody liked me and thought that I was wierd.

[Gaming Goddess]

K thank you. There for a while I thought that nobody liked me and thought that I was wierd.

We don't think you're weird. We think you're stupid.

[shioricallisto]

Well that definately doesn't make me feel any better knowing that people think of me as being stupid.

[shioricallisto]

(

[Gaming Goddess]

Well that definately doesn't make me feel any better knowing that people think of me as being stupid.

Is that seriously all you're going to say to that?

[shioricallisto]

Yea maybe considering somebody just called me stupid. How would you feel if somebody called you stupid.

[Tyche]

Funny thing is... GG has no reason to be called stupid.