BUTTer

[Gravy-Train‽]

I’d say its been 3 or 4 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass and masturbated. I did it because it felt really good but that’s not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.

I’m sitting there watching Out of Jimmy's Head and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my [censored] had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my [censored] to create something far worse than [censored]. It was probably the worst thing I’ve smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my [censored] and forgot about until the morning after.

While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I walked quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my [censored] butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my [censored] into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.

As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of [censored] butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.

I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every [censored] in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. “What the [censored] is that smell.” “This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer” one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I’m sure he’s raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.

That’s when I saw him. The old bastard who sat in front of Shoprite saying hello to every [censored] strolling by. I [censored] hated this man. I couldn’t tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my [censored] butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking “this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now.” This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.

I was now arms length from him. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at his face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked “why?” and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head. Truly, I did it for the lulz.

While everybody was distracted I walked into Shoprite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was 4. I left Shoprite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking “Wow, I’m such a great person, I get 4 free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to CP.”

When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.

True story.

[Coin~operated Boy<3]

I’d say its been 3 or 4 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass and masturbated. I did it because it felt really good but that’s not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.

I’m sitting there watching Out of Jimmy's Head and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my [censored] had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my [censored] to create something far worse than [censored]. It was probably the worst thing I’ve smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my [censored] and forgot about until the morning after.

While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I walked quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my [censored] butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my [censored] into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.

As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of [censored] butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.

I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every [censored] in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. “What the [censored] is that smell.” “This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer” one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I’m sure he’s raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.

That’s when I saw him. The old bastard who sat in front of Shoprite saying hello to every [censored] strolling by. I [censored] hated this man. I couldn’t tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my [censored] butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking “this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now.” This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.

I was now arms length from him. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at his face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked “why?” and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head. Truly, I did it for the lulz.

While everybody was distracted I walked into Shoprite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was 4. I left Shoprite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking “Wow, I’m such a great person, I get 4 free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to CP.”

When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.

True story.

Smurf voice from R.C.: what the [censored] is wrong with you? are you trying to be funny...gross... a pedofile... i dont know.

[.:Aki-Kun:.]

*high five you*

[WAKAI_sukebe]

[The Evil Russell Crowe]

[Neon_Genesis]

Wow. this has to be the single greatest story I have ever read. XD

[Bovinagina]

This story was hilarious. Gross and I would never want to smell anything that bad......but hilarious.