Self Reflection (a poem)

[Biki]

Self Reflection

8-28-08

You have not been mine for a year now;
And yet,
In one of my no longer frequent passing thoughts
Of you,
My mind came across the thought
(And my heart the feeling)
Of "I love you."
And though I realized
I had never truly and fully gotten over you,
Given the suddenness
And complete shock, on my part,
Of our break-up,
I was taken by surprise at the feeling.
And so I had to take a step back;
And reflect on myself and my feelings for you.
I am no longer in love with you;
Though I can not shy away from the fact
That I do still love you,
But that I can never again allow myself
To fall back in love with you,
Because hurting me is what you're good at;
And you realize this.
You realize how deeply my heart burns for you,
Past my body and burrowing into my soul,
And you take advantage of it.
You once told me,
And I'd often repeated,
That you know me better than I know myself.
And you, knowing me,
Know how to get me where you want me:
Just far enough in love with you
To shatter me,
With one too many unreturned
"I love you's."
There is nothing quite so painful,
As unrequited love.
A friend once told me,
That love that only goes one way,
Is just a crush.
And that, in itself,
Is enough to crush one's spirits.
And I, being no different than that one,
Have been crushed,
Over, and over, and over again,
By you.
And thus, in my self relfection,
I have come to the conclusion,
That we are over,
And will probably never be a "we" again,
Despite the fact that my heart,
Being so abominally attached to you as it is,
Believes you to be my soul mate.
You, being the one who knows me,
Better than I know myself.
But my head, being the realist that it is,
Knows better than to let my hopes raise too high,
For fear of them plummeting like they have
The tendancy to do.
And yet this heart, harbouring foolish hopes for us as it does,
STILL finds a way to love you.
After all that self relfection,
I'm back to square one.

~Korita/Biki