Some poetry i wrote. please be nice :)

[MANGApunk]

Fall

The wind blows against the trees,
Tempting the leaves into a pleasant dance,
The air chilly, with the scent of spices,
Wafting from kitchen windows.

With every step, crackle goes another leaf,
Their array of colors brilliant,
Their swift movements graceful and entrancing.
Every sense clouding with autumn’s unyielding possession.

We savor this time,
Because o’ too soon,
Its transient favor will blow away,
Leaving the trees bare and the mood cold.


That Dark Night

The moon’s crescent is hung high,
On this night of darkness,
The wind sweeping through your conscious,
The whispering of the ghosts.

Shivers in the spines of many,
Walking along on the devil’s day,
Unaware of what is to come,
Of the terror that lies ahead.

Every step is quiet,
The loudest silence,
The only real sound is the slow breathing,
Coming up from your chest.

Every clock you look behind you,
Wary of your own presence,
The world so peacefully deceased,
Of all emotion, of all life.

This is the dark Night.

[Tyche]

I'm going to say to you the only comment my English professor ever gave us:

"Why are you telling me this?"

[Sasami Jurai]

What's that supposed to mean?! Unless I get an explanation I'm going to say this to you, Sarah-la: "How mean! "

Anyhow, I really fancy your poem, girly! You use awesome imagery in these poems. Very soothing for us readers. BRAVA!!

[scorpionwarrior]

They're too basic. Doesn't catch many peoples attention, Though I didn't mind the first one too much. You have great observation skills which makes for a good poet. You just need to add more interesting words and perhaps use sentences that make more sense lol.

Example:
Every step is quiet,
The loudest silence,

It makes no sense cause if it's quiet in the first place how can it be the loudest silence?

[Sasami Jurai]

They're too basic. Doesn't catch many peoples attention, Though I didn't mind the first one too much. You have great observation skills which makes for a good poet. You just need to add more interesting words and perhaps use sentences that make more sense lol.

Example:
Every step is quiet,
The loudest silence,

It makes no sense cause if it's quiet in the first place how can it be the loudest silence?

It works, in a sense. XD I'm sure there's a term for it.

[josh :)]

[Tyche]

What's that supposed to mean?! Unless I get an explanation I'm going to say this to you, Sarah-la: "How mean! "

Anyhow, I really fancy your poem, girly! You use awesome imagery in these poems. Very soothing for us readers. BRAVA!!

I'm saying pretty much what scorp said. They're too basic. If you're going to write poetry it needs to have purpose and emotion. Instead of describing Fall as everyone sees it, make it a person or put it in a way that's special to you.

[Sasami Jurai]

but that's just her own style? o.O

[scorpionwarrior]

To write basic poetry isn't a style, lol. As Filitz (Why do people change their names >_>) said. You need emotion and purpose in poetry but also to be able to give the reader a perspective on how you the writer saw it. What I see when I read this, is what I always see.

[Taylor_Chan]

That was a great poem. Keep up the good work!