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Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Show off your fan fiction, poetry, or links to your fan art.

Do you like it?

Yes
4
80%
No
1
20%
 
Total votes: 5

Spetsnaz
Absolute Otaku
Posts: 2251
Joined: Sep 15, 2005 1:46pm

Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Spetsnaz »

Feel the ashes
Coming from underneath
This familiar feeling
That I feel beneath my feet

My soul is gone…going
To the heavens it'll rise
To watch our complete demise

Hear the demons apocalyptic song
Their sweet lullaby of death
Oh I hope it'll last long

The underworld burning pits
Await our arrival
They'll rip our bodies into bits
But the devil's not my rival

Cut your wrists with this blade
Be free of your pain
Unless you want to watch
A beautiful bloody rain

Love will turn to hate
Life will become death
But don't fret
This is our fate

:twisted:
Last edited by Spetsnaz on Jun 06, 2006 12:57pm, edited 1 time in total.
I loves meh Bambi
HOT! handle with care

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
kukutaru_ookami
Uber Otaku
Posts: 942
Joined: May 08, 2005 3:23pm
Gender: Male

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by kukutaru_ookami »

1 word forced I couldn't seem to catch a beat or emtion it feels as if you're trying too hard to be dark or depressing 2/10
For NaruHina fans (AU): http://viridian.fanficauthors.net/Team_8/index.php
"Kakkou dakenara sayonara koi jyanaideshou?"
GravyTrain
Uber Otaku
Posts: 697
Joined: Nov 12, 2005 1:26pm

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by GravyTrain »

kukutaru_ookami wrote:1 word forced I couldn't seem to catch a beat or emtion it feels as if you're trying too hard to be dark or depressing 2/10
What's this, someone who isn't just handing out blind praise like duckfeed at a petting zoo?
I am shocked. :shock:
Spetsnaz
Absolute Otaku
Posts: 2251
Joined: Sep 15, 2005 1:46pm

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Spetsnaz »

GravyTrain wrote:
kukutaru_ookami wrote:1 word forced I couldn't seem to catch a beat or emtion it feels as if you're trying too hard to be dark or depressing 2/10
What's this, someone who isn't just handing out blind praise like duckfeed at a petting zoo?
I am shocked. :shock:
get out of my topic!
I loves meh Bambi
HOT! handle with care

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
Chinria_Suka_Shin
Mobile Suit Otaku
Posts: 103
Joined: May 08, 2006 8:11am

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Chinria_Suka_Shin »

oooh wow i totally feel this poem. reminds me of my stories i use to write. ^_^ right more 10/10 from me.
It's evil but i joined it -_-
http://www.myspace.com/asuka_sagomi
Spetsnaz
Absolute Otaku
Posts: 2251
Joined: Sep 15, 2005 1:46pm

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Spetsnaz »

Thankies :mrgreen:
I loves meh Bambi
HOT! handle with care

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
GravyTrain
Uber Otaku
Posts: 697
Joined: Nov 12, 2005 1:26pm

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by GravyTrain »

Chinria_Suka_Shin wrote:oooh wow i totally feel this poem. reminds me of my stories i use to write. ^_^ right more 10/10 from me.
And here they come to feed the ducks.
kukutaru_ookami
Uber Otaku
Posts: 942
Joined: May 08, 2005 3:23pm
Gender: Male

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by kukutaru_ookami »

he changed it since my review still fells a little forced to me, it rhymed in some places which was nice and added a small amount of pace to it but still something just doesn't FEEL right to me nice try but still no-4/10
For NaruHina fans (AU): http://viridian.fanficauthors.net/Team_8/index.php
"Kakkou dakenara sayonara koi jyanaideshou?"
Spetsnaz
Absolute Otaku
Posts: 2251
Joined: Sep 15, 2005 1:46pm

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Spetsnaz »

kukutaru_ookami wrote:he changed it since my review still fells a little forced to me, it rhymed in some places which was nice and added a small amount of pace to it but still something just doesn't FEEL right to me nice try but still no-4/10
Thanks, I don't mind. All comments are welcome :mrgreen: . Anything to improve my poems
I loves meh Bambi
HOT! handle with care

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
Hobo_13
Full Metal Otaku
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Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Hobo_13 »

cool.
Kiss The Future!
Zeromancer's Angel
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Posts: 350
Joined: Oct 06, 2005 12:44pm

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Zeromancer's Angel »

OH YEAAAAH.....kewl dude totally rocks out loud
" I have found my angel...sweeter than the darkness itself"
Hobo_13
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Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Hobo_13 »

dont it?
Kiss The Future!
Zeromancer's Angel
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Posts: 350
Joined: Oct 06, 2005 12:44pm

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Zeromancer's Angel »

totally ^_^
" I have found my angel...sweeter than the darkness itself"
Spetsnaz
Absolute Otaku
Posts: 2251
Joined: Sep 15, 2005 1:46pm

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Spetsnaz »

Thanks guys :mrgreen:
I loves meh Bambi
HOT! handle with care

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
Hobo_13
Full Metal Otaku
Posts: 334
Joined: Apr 01, 2006 10:04pm
Gender: Female
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Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Hobo_13 »

sure thing man.
Kiss The Future!
Zeromancer's Angel
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Posts: 350
Joined: Oct 06, 2005 12:44pm

Re: Welcome to Hell, By: Twilight_Demon

Post by Zeromancer's Angel »

lol
" I have found my angel...sweeter than the darkness itself"
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