First Poem

[Bambi]

Hey,

Well...i was thinking... i'm in one of the smartest English classes in my year... so i must be good at writing... so i thought i'll try and write a poem..

so here it is... I don't think its very good but i wanted to share anyway....

Memories

As I Lie On My Bed, Gazing At The Ceiling.. Thinking About You. Thinking Why We Are Apart... Oh, This Pain! This Pain feels like a Thousand Knives Stabbing My Already Weakened Heart .

I'll reminisce in Old Memories till We Are Reunited...

Ahhh... Our First Kiss ..
The Kiss That Had Me Clinging To You As Being Flushed With Your Body Against Mine Made Me Feel Weak...
Your Kiss, The Very Kiss The Swept Me Off My Feet

Oh, That Feeling... I want to Feel it Again!! ><. When we Are Reunited. Let Me Feel The Way I Did When We First Fell In Love... Just Let Me

~Princess Serena


What do you guys think?

[josh]

Good for a first poem.

this isn't why i think its good, but its way better than my first poems...

Nice Effort

[nozomi]

I thought it was very sweet, Serena. ^_^ You should post more!

[Cold Revolver]

I liked it, however try not to use these types of things... Oh and Ahhh That way it will make the poem flow fluently and with proper words and such. Good job though I like it.

[OniKira]

That was really good.

The only thing I would comment on, understand that I hate to criticize, even if its positive, I would suggest that you give the poem more rhythym. When I was reading the lines, some of them didnt flow as well as other. Structure the words around this.

[Dark*Star]

Nice 4 a first try but it needs to be more fluently when your reading it, but it was great.