Subconsciously Seduced by Fate

[ANGEL OF HELL]

This is a song me and my band wrote a few hours ago. if you could give me some tips/comments on how to make it better, it would be appreciated. criticizing is welcomed here. by the way, we are a metal/punck rock band if that helps at all.

"Subconsciously Seduced by Fate"

Speak the truth of one’s infernal mind
The illusions all in one
My soul is emptying, as a hit the ground
An eternal grave ahead, as I bleed forever

(Chorus)
I have lost the fight, and now I’m gone
A spot in hell, is wear I belong
So much pain, how are you wrong?
Don’t know why I started but now hope is gone

My thoughts are all reborn, now I know
The truth is in the end
The beast inside of me, is crawling out
Hell to all who appose, as I bleed forever

(Chorus)
I have lost the fight, and now I’m gone
A spot in hell, is wear I belong
So much pain, how are you wrong?
Don’t know why I started but now hope is gone

And you sit there, burning alive
Now you’re gone, burning alive

Why are you running to hide?
You’re inevitably going to die
Weeping alone, thoughts running through your head
Your soul is already dead
You will meet the king, in heavens house
But I suffer when no ones around

(Chorus)
I have lost the fight, and now I’m gone
A spot in hell, is wear I belong
So much pain, how are you wrong?
Don’t know why I started but now hope is gone

No more wasted lives, blood seeping pores, I’ll never find, the kingdom’s door

Now that I have seen my fate
The fiery depths open their gates
Now I know, what it feels inside
To burn eternally alive
Don’t make the same mistakes, I made
Walk through the heaven’s gate
The only thing left
Is to die off my own, regrets

(Chorus)
I have lost the fight, and now I’m gone
A spot in hell, is wear I belong
So much pain, how are you wrong?
Don’t know why I started but now hope is gone

I’ll never be alive…

[saiyuki ginryu]

its wonderful...i wrote a song called angelic...its punk rock too....

[Bambi]

*gasps*!! That was good.. AOH? =D

[Bambi]

Gah! Umm I can't think of any tips for you! Might want to ask someone who is in a band (XD). You should ask a few of the male mods (and ex mods). A few of them are in bands I think.
Like Dretlin, Locke, Josh and Vash.

Anyway, it was good.

(hehe double post ^o^)

[ANGEL OF HELL]

yeeees sir-e! its AOH! lol. thanks for the comments. is there anything i could do to improve it?

[ANGEL OF HELL]

kk. thanx fer the advice =P

[saiyuki ginryu]

its wonder full...i don't really think it needs any changes....

[Biki]

it needs no changes or alterations. i have no critisms. this song rox. XD