Movie Review: Sumo Vixens
Ruriko's aunt Kimiyo used to be a star female sumo wrester, a real champion who loved what she did. But her sumo days have long since past, and at the moment she isn't doing so well in the health department. But don't take that to means she's gone soft, as she's still quite a tough cookie, even going so far as to inadvertently knock her doctor on his butt. Oh yeah, and lets not forget the fact that some gangsters are looking to her take her dojo. Because, you know... uh... gangsters are always hard up for places to... uh... practice sumo wrestling? Martial arts? Put pachinko machines?
Okay, I really have no idea what their reasons for wanting it are, but the filmmakers want them to want it so that Ruriko will have her motivation to start an all female sumo wrestling team... which in turn will give the filmmakers an excuse to show lots of topless women in skimpy sumo crotch belts (I guess the official belts didn't show off enough?) pressed up against while they fight deperatly to throw each other to the ground. I really feel sorry for the camera crew, 'cause with all the low angled shots in this flick, their backs must have been aching! Then again, they may have been smart and just hired Ewoks to run the cameras.
Anyway, let's get back to the story. Ruriko's aunt Kimiyo is in no condition to put together a team of sumo vixens and train them to wrestle, so Ruriko seeks out the help of ex-sumo star, and ex-yakuza, Szenjirou Arakauma, who had just recently been released from prison. Luckily, Mr. Arakauma takes a fancy to Ruriko, and agrees to help. So he sends out his long time partner, Tonpatchi, to go out and find a bunch of women willing to become part of their new female sumo wrestling team. Tonpatchi eagerly and enthusiastically accepts the challenge, but the women he comes back with is... well... less than impressive.
The first women Tonpatchi recruits are the two prostitutes he and Mr. Arakauma had the pleasure of "meeting" that night after Arakauma's release. One is a green haired punk chick with severely messed up teeth whose always sniffing from a bag with what looks to be a bagel in it, though it's gotta be something else 'cause she's always off in some other universe. The other is a little better, but just doesn't really seem to care. And the third girl Tonpatchi finds is a complete crybaby who will just start balling about every little thin. They, together with Ruriko, make up the team that's going to help save the dojo... just as soon as they learn how to actually wrestle, that is, 'cause as they stand right now a kid could kick their collective butts. Yeah, this could take a while... of course, time flies when you're watching topless women moving around.
So one afternoon while the group is on a training run, they're accosted by a bunch of hoodlums from the same group of gangsters trying to take Kimiyo's dojo, who are ruled by a man named Mr. Domino. Unfortunately, the girls still don't know how to fight, nor does Tonpatchi, and Mr. Arakauma is trailing behind. But fear not, for out of the blue appears Komasa Akagi, one badass-looking female with the willingness to stand up to these punks, not to mention the ability to take them out! Arakauma arrives just in time to Domino's men scrambling away. As it turns out, Akagi's appearance was no accident. She had wanted to train under the great Mr. Arakauma, so she sought him out when she learned of his release. So soon after have our sumo squad's final member, and the only one of the group with any real talent.
At the Domino shack, the furious Mr. Domino is seriously scolding his men for getting beat up by a chick when three tough looking vixens walk through the door. The apparent leader of the three sports an eyepatch over her right and, and a wicked scar to indicate the reason behind it. Although Mr. Domino is far from impressed just from their initial appearance, once the trio of tough trample his tasteless toadies, the man's soon willing to listen to what they have to say. For some reason, the ladies want to create their own female sumo wrestling team so that they can go up against Arakauma's girls. Later, it's revealed (in a very, um, pleasant scene) that One Eye Oryu has personal reasons for wanting to take on Miss Akagi, but for right now Mr. Domino just sees this as his opportunity to get the dojo.
So now the clock is ticking! Can Arakauma whip his girls into lean, mean, mostly naked with no tops and thin little crotch coverings that don't really hide very much especially when viewing at low angles with zoom lenses... uh, what was I saying again? Hmm... well, never mind, guess it wasn't important. Actually, that's pretty much the case with the whole story, no matter what happens, it's not important, just an excuse to watch a lot of boobies. Unlike Terminatrix, which was played straight, this film is played like they know they're in a cheesy skin-flick, so they go all out with the goofs and exaggerated characters. Overall, I tend to prefer the Terminatrix style, but this movie was still funny, entertaining, erotic, and enjoyable to watch.
Sumo Vixens is being re-released on June 7, 2005, both as an individual DVD title (for $9.95) and as part of the Kei Mizutani DVD Collection (for $59.95) by Central Park Media under their Asia Pulp Cinema label. This time the release will contain the Japanese language track with optional subtitles as well as the English dubbed track. The film stars Kei Mizutani, Arase, Eba, Shouko Kuduo, Keisuke, Kyouko Nakamura, and was directed by Takao Nakano. It was originally released in Japan in 1995, and then in the US in 2001.
