Something i did in my free time
"Animal Life"
By. Shadow718
The new life, begin as a cat.
as the cat bring life to the young.
The new prepar there life on a rat.
as they claw on a new bat.
"Freedom", the horse's yell as they fly.
Far far away from my eye.
they run wild in the sky.
as they chear far an wide.
The wolf, never rome from the pack.
as he hunt for a rat.
The wolf eat, leving just scrap.
as he travel with the pack.
The dog, ever so playfull.
as he run in the sun.
he carry a bone to hide.
as he wander for bone to fine.
The lion ever so mad.
as he pace like a man.
he roaw when he sleep.
as he only want is peace.
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My Poem "Animal Life"
My Poem "Animal Life"
Last edited by shadow718 on Nov 19, 2008 8:40pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: My Poem "Animal Life"
Very interesting.
Although there are various, conspicuous errors in there which are distracting from the creativity.
With some editing, your poem will be great! Keep up the good work.
Although there are various, conspicuous errors in there which are distracting from the creativity.
With some editing, your poem will be great! Keep up the good work.
Re: My Poem "Animal Life"
thanxs, it my weakness on that, but ill fix it as soon as posable.
Re: My Poem "Animal Life"
I'm kinda an editor.
Anyway, even without the grammar and spelling faults, I don't really like this poem.
I'm more into epic poems such as Dante's Inferno and, if you count it, Epitaph of Twilight. I also like e.e. cummings and Edgar Allen Poe's works.
*edit: Epitaph of Twilight is a poem from the .hack//SERIES, and can be found via the net.
"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
"If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it. You want to change the world? There's nothing to it."
"If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it. You want to change the world? There's nothing to it."
Re: My Poem "Animal Life"
The whole point of commenting is to judge the poem solely by itself.
It's not fair to dismiss a poem simply because it doesn't fit the genre that you like.
It's not fair to dismiss a poem simply because it doesn't fit the genre that you like.
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scorpionwarrior
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Re: My Poem "Animal Life"
Umm very odd o_O
I don't understand it all exactly but I get the point of what you're trying to send across. From what I see, a fair bit of editing needs to be done so as people can understand it better. As well as maybe work on the flow of it.
I don't understand it all exactly but I get the point of what you're trying to send across. From what I see, a fair bit of editing needs to be done so as people can understand it better. As well as maybe work on the flow of it.
"The world isn't perfect. But it's there for us, doing the best it can....that's what makes it so damn beautiful." - Roy Mustang
Xbox Gamertag:ScorpionElite27
Xbox Gamertag:ScorpionElite27
Re: My Poem "Animal Life"
Conspicuous indeed. I agree with, ..well basically everything Rage said. Keep up the good workRage wrote:Very interesting.
Although there are various, conspicuous errors in there which are distracting from the creativity.
With some editing, your poem will be great! Keep up the good work.
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Re: My Poem "Animal Life"
the Main idea about this pome is that we are no diffrent than animal.
Re: My Poem "Animal Life"
that was a really good poem ^^ keep up the good work ^^ 
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| d[-_-]b D [_-d] J [b-_] |
Dance to the beats!~
| d[-_-]b D [_-d] J [b-_] |
Dance to the beats!~