1. Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume her can do five simple tricks-he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. There are his only tricks and he can’t learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he’s doing these five tricks with real magic. It’s not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He’s legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence.
Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?
2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely health Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume-that for some reason-every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.
Would you attempt to do this?
3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler’s skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can’t give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler’s skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.
Which option do you select?
4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q of almost 85, and-most notably-a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated b y football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly developed rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblock able” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch; Every three years, someone will break both of you soul mate’s collar bones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear-for the rest of your life-sound as it it’s being performed by the band called Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?
6. At long last, someone invents “the dream VCR.” This machine allows you to tape an entire evening’s worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don’t agree to this, you can’t use the dream VCR.
Would you still do this?
7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.
You are the front-page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?
8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson’s gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely deeper about the film’s “deeper philosophy.”
Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews)./ However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).
Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?
10. This is the opening of Jay Mcinerey’s Bright Lights, Big city: “You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning.” Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you’ve read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart’s Little Queen album (assuming you own it), listen to the opening riff to “Barracuda.”
Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?
11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reasoning for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational metaphysical sense that-some-where-your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this, and your mother has not been ill.
Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?
12. You meet a wizard in down town Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask ho this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, “I will now make them a dollar more attractive. “ He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But- somehow-this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can’t deny that this person is vaguely sexier. The wizard has no weird rule though-you can only pay him once. You can’t keep giving him money until you’re satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.
How much cash do you give the wizard?
13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to this assembly.
What do you talk about?
14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can’t talk and they can’t write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).
This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?
15.You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.
How do you spend the next fourteen days?
16. Someone builds an optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it’s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian football league, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that-for some unknown reason-you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.
The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you’ve never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. “Be careful of that guy,” you are told. “He is a man with a past.” A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your new acquaintance who this new individual is. “Be careful of that guy, too,” he says. “He his a man with no past.”
Which of these two people do you trust less?
18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.
Which option do you select?
19. Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you don’t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However, you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can’t tell them why.
Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?
20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as “brutally honest and relentlessly fair.” Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.
Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.
Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating in the office gossip mill, and both involving you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with on of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don’t believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.
Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?
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this is my introspective face: rebuttal quiz!
this is my introspective face: rebuttal quiz!
I felt like a race horse in a world without racetracks or a champion college footballer suddenly confronted by Wall Street and a business suit, his days of glory shrunk to a little gold cup on his mantel with a date engraved on it like a tombstone.
Re: this is my introspective face: rebuttal quiz!
1. Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume her can do five simple tricks-he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. There are his only tricks and he can’t learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he’s doing these five tricks with real magic. It’s not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He’s legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence.
Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?
~Yes, because Einstein discovered stuff that would have ultimately be discovered by someone later. This magic-man is the only one in his field.
2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely health Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume-that for some reason-every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.
Would you attempt to do this?
~No, because I couldn't do it, emotionally and physically.
3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler’s skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can’t give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler’s skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.
Which option do you select?
~...I want a turtle, but I like money and I could easily play off having Hitler's skull.
4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q of almost 85, and-most notably-a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated b y football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly developed rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblock able” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
~Yes. This gorilla sounds like most of the NFL.
5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch; Every three years, someone will break both of you soul mate’s collar bones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear-for the rest of your life-sound as it it’s being performed by the band called Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?
~Nah, he'll be fine.
6. At long last, someone invents “the dream VCR.” This machine allows you to tape an entire evening’s worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don’t agree to this, you can’t use the dream VCR.
Would you still do this?
~Sure. Even the sexy dreams are a little weird.
7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.
You are the front-page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?
~The president, with semi-prominent links to the other two articles.
8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson’s gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely deeper about the film’s “deeper philosophy.”
Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
~I don't know if I even want to get married to my real love, let alone this mythical perfect person.
9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews)./ However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).
Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?
~It would increase, but crime novels have little interest for me, so I would probably read it at a way later date.
10. This is the opening of Jay Mcinerey’s Bright Lights, Big city: “You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning.” Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you’ve read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart’s Little Queen album (assuming you own it), listen to the opening riff to “Barracuda.”
Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?
~I own neither.
11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reasoning for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational metaphysical sense that-some-where-your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this, and your mother has not been ill.
Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?
~Yes, cuz she's my mommy, and pretty things are abundant.
12. You meet a wizard in down town Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask ho this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, “I will now make them a dollar more attractive. “ He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But- somehow-this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can’t deny that this person is vaguely sexier. The wizard has no weird rule though-you can only pay him once. You can’t keep giving him money until you’re satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.
How much cash do you give the wizard?
~None, but I'd ponder my appeal and get his number.
13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to this assembly.
What do you talk about?
~Life, the Universe, and Everything.
14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can’t talk and they can’t write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).
This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?
~I think my cats would consider him an insult, and most of the other cats I know. They all eat little compared to Garfield and they never ever ruin their owner's lives.
15.You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.
How do you spend the next fourteen days?
~I'd read my favorite books.
16. Someone builds an optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it’s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian football league, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that-for some unknown reason-you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.
The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
~Yeah, because I have to start somewhere, right?
17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you’ve never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. “Be careful of that guy,” you are told. “He is a man with a past.” A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your new acquaintance who this new individual is. “Be careful of that guy, too,” he says. “He his a man with no past.”
Which of these two people do you trust less?
~No past man- you have no idea where he's been or what he's done.
18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.
Which option do you select?
~Europe. I want to see the world, but not the outside.
19. Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you don’t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However, you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can’t tell them why.
Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?
~I'd tell her she's snoring and that I had to wake her up to say "I love you."
20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as “brutally honest and relentlessly fair.” Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.
Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
~Hollywood! I wanna see who'd play me.
21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.
Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
~I don't know. It'd depend on the guy.
22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating in the office gossip mill, and both involving you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with on of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don’t believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.
Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?
~The stealing one.
Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?
~Yes, because Einstein discovered stuff that would have ultimately be discovered by someone later. This magic-man is the only one in his field.
2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely health Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume-that for some reason-every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.
Would you attempt to do this?
~No, because I couldn't do it, emotionally and physically.
3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler’s skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can’t give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler’s skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.
Which option do you select?
~...I want a turtle, but I like money and I could easily play off having Hitler's skull.
4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q of almost 85, and-most notably-a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated b y football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly developed rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblock able” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
~Yes. This gorilla sounds like most of the NFL.
5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch; Every three years, someone will break both of you soul mate’s collar bones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear-for the rest of your life-sound as it it’s being performed by the band called Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?
~Nah, he'll be fine.
6. At long last, someone invents “the dream VCR.” This machine allows you to tape an entire evening’s worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don’t agree to this, you can’t use the dream VCR.
Would you still do this?
~Sure. Even the sexy dreams are a little weird.
7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.
You are the front-page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?
~The president, with semi-prominent links to the other two articles.
8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson’s gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely deeper about the film’s “deeper philosophy.”
Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
~I don't know if I even want to get married to my real love, let alone this mythical perfect person.
9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews)./ However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).
Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?
~It would increase, but crime novels have little interest for me, so I would probably read it at a way later date.
10. This is the opening of Jay Mcinerey’s Bright Lights, Big city: “You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning.” Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you’ve read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart’s Little Queen album (assuming you own it), listen to the opening riff to “Barracuda.”
Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?
~I own neither.
11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reasoning for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational metaphysical sense that-some-where-your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this, and your mother has not been ill.
Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?
~Yes, cuz she's my mommy, and pretty things are abundant.
12. You meet a wizard in down town Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask ho this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, “I will now make them a dollar more attractive. “ He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But- somehow-this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can’t deny that this person is vaguely sexier. The wizard has no weird rule though-you can only pay him once. You can’t keep giving him money until you’re satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.
How much cash do you give the wizard?
~None, but I'd ponder my appeal and get his number.
13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to this assembly.
What do you talk about?
~Life, the Universe, and Everything.
14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can’t talk and they can’t write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).
This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?
~I think my cats would consider him an insult, and most of the other cats I know. They all eat little compared to Garfield and they never ever ruin their owner's lives.
15.You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.
How do you spend the next fourteen days?
~I'd read my favorite books.
16. Someone builds an optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it’s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian football league, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that-for some unknown reason-you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.
The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
~Yeah, because I have to start somewhere, right?
17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you’ve never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. “Be careful of that guy,” you are told. “He is a man with a past.” A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your new acquaintance who this new individual is. “Be careful of that guy, too,” he says. “He his a man with no past.”
Which of these two people do you trust less?
~No past man- you have no idea where he's been or what he's done.
18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.
Which option do you select?
~Europe. I want to see the world, but not the outside.
19. Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you don’t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However, you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can’t tell them why.
Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?
~I'd tell her she's snoring and that I had to wake her up to say "I love you."
20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as “brutally honest and relentlessly fair.” Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.
Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
~Hollywood! I wanna see who'd play me.
21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.
Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
~I don't know. It'd depend on the guy.
22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating in the office gossip mill, and both involving you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with on of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don’t believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.
Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?
~The stealing one.
<3 life
Re: this is my introspective face: rebuttal quiz!
1. Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume her can do five simple tricks-he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. There are his only tricks and he can’t learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he’s doing these five tricks with real magic. It’s not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He’s legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence.
Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?
no. Albert was able to overcome his limitations to do what he did. This magician just has magic, thats all.
2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely health Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume-that for some reason-every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.
Would you attempt to do this?
no. The horse has done nothing wrong, and doesn't deserve this treatment. Likewise, the political prisoners probably haven't done anything wrong either, and do not deserve the treatment they are getting either. Since no matter how i word this, i'm likely to sound like a heartless bastard, i'll be blunt. I cannot control what happens, only what i do. I wouldn't even kick the horse to death if my life depended on it.
I might, if the lives of my loved ones where. glwt though.
3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler’s skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can’t give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler’s skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.
Which option do you select?
I'd want both, and not even for the money, but because i think it'd be awesome to have Hitler's skull in my possession. Even through that fact, I think i'd take the turtle. The turtle is alive, the skull is not. I'd have fun witht hte skull being there for maybe a week or so, but then it'd be boring, and the money wouldn't be enough compensation. The turtle however would bring me daily entertainment. Even if the turtle where to somehow die, i think a grand isn't such a bad price to pay considering the animal was given to me free. Afterall, who can put a price on life?
4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q of almost 85, and-most notably-a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly developed rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblockable” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
I'd take a vote from the fans, from the players, and from the staff of the NFL. Each poll separate. Then I'd make my decisions based on those votes. if the players say no, then its 100% no. If the fans say no, and the staff say no, then its 100% no.
besides that, i think there may be a weight limit in the NFL.
5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch; Every three years, someone will break both of you soul mate’s collar bones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear-for the rest of your life-sound as it it’s being performed by the band called Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?
After listening to a few tracks from Alice in Chains, and then all of James Blunt's discography, I've come to realize something. Musik speaks to the soul, each artist and song in its own unique special way. To have everything be by one artist would bring the diversity down tremendously..
I'd rather live cold and alone with musik that continues to speak to me, than repeatedly injured with (what would be to me anyways[cause if it all sounds the same, then yeah..]) mono-toned musik, with my soul-mate.
so, no. I wouldnt take the pill.
Instead, I'd use the loophole you left
6. At long last, someone invents “the dream VCR.” This machine allows you to tape an entire evening’s worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don’t agree to this, you can’t use the dream VCR.
Would you still do this?
I see no reason to watch my dreams. Random synapses inside my brain while I'm sleeping. Whole days, whole lives lived within seconds. That, is the only fascinating thing about my dreams. My nightmares however, that is a different story.
If nightmares are also recorded then maybe, just maybe, I'd use it. Only once though, because that is all it would take for everyone to finally see what i see. Prolly not though.
7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.
You are the front-page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?
Hmm..
"NESSY FINALLY FOUND!"
"BIGFOOT, BIG TRUTH!"
"DUMB OLD PERSON LEADING COUNTRY IS SICK AND NEEDS SURGERY"
Hmm..
I think I'd have them in that exact order, but the Nessy one would need a lot more spiffing up.
8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson’s gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely deeper about the film’s “deeper philosophy.”
Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
If they could accept me for who I am, who i am really Then no. Te quirck would be annoying sometimes, sure, but when you compare it to the rest, it means nothing. We all have our flawz
9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews). However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).
Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?
If it was a book that was recommended to me, then bought for me, then given to me to read, I'd read it. At least the first chapter. No matter what, i know i wont become one of those 30%. I hate men, and almost everything about them
10. This is the opening of Jay Mcinerey’s Bright Lights, Big city: “You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning.” Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you’ve read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart’s Little Queen album (assuming you own it), listen to the opening riff to “Barracuda.”
Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?
I'd imagine they rank the same. Art, just like many many other things, is in the eye of the beholder.
11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reasoning for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational metaphysical sense that-some-where-your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this, and your mother has not been ill.
Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?
Taking this as the hypothetical scenario that it is, I wouldn't leave.
Think about it. Would me leaving then and there change reality? If she is dead, she is dead. If she is not, then she is not. even if she where dying, I alone do not have the power to save her life, nor would I attempt to interfere with reality. Is she was meant to die, she will, no matter what I tried to do. "If you try to go against reality, reality will surely crush you. Reality will kill you. Then reality will continue to go on, as if nothing ever happened. From yesterday to today, and from today to tomorrow, reality marches on... Leaving your crushed body behind"
12. You meet a wizard in down town Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, “I will now make them a dollar more attractive. “ He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But- somehow-this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can’t deny that this person is vaguely sexier. The wizard has one weird rule though-you can only pay him once. You can’t keep giving him money until you’re satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.
How much cash do you give the wizard?
None. I'm perfect just the way I am. long curly hair, bent glasses and fuzzy chin and all.
13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to this assembly.
What do you talk about?
I'd give a 15 minute speech about how i dont know how any of them where invited, since i'm still a virgin XD
14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can’t talk and they can’t write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).
This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?
I think that the elder cats would enjoy it. I think there takes a bit of wisdom to fully enjoy Garfield.
They should just read Calvin and Hobbes.
15.You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.
How do you spend the next fourteen days?
I'd finally put all my mind to work, and do research into the more complex issues I've been meaning to study. String theory, quantum physics, and dark matter. I'd probably also reinvent the time machine that i came up with when i was 9. It would have worked too, if i could have remembered it the next day. [tangent] When i was younger, and sometimes even now, I would do extremely difficult math equations and contemplate questions with no finite answers, as a means to put myself to sleep. I calculated the circumference of the Earth within 10 miles. I found the amount of seconds in a year, then how many seconds i had lived at that time up to the day. I was born a geek XD[/tangent]
16. Someone builds an optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it’s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian football league, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that-for some unknown reason-you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.
The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
The problem with time travel, and/or visions of the future is that once the future is seen, it has happened, and cannot be changed. The only way to have (what one would think is an altered future or past) is through cross dimensional time travel. That being said, I'm assuming that your portal was NOT a cross dimensional portal, and that the future, no matter how hard i tried, would not be changed.
All this being considered, I'd not watch it. I'd like to see what would happen if i resisted he future
17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you’ve never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. “Be careful of that guy,” you are told. “He is a man with a past.” A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your new acquaintance who this new individual is. “Be careful of that guy, too,” he says. “He his a man with no past.”
Which of these two people do you trust less?
I'd trust the man without a past less. If he doesnt know his past, then he doesnt know himself. If he doesnt know himself, he cant trust himself, and if you cant trust yourself, you cant be trusted by others.
18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.
Which option do you select?
the moon is overrated. I'd go to Europe.
19. Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you don’t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However, you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can’t tell them why.
Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?
"ooops, my bad. Get off the floor and that wouldn't happen dude"
20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as “brutally honest and relentlessly fair.” Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.
Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
I'd be more interested in seeing the one by the low budget people. Seeing my life through the eyes of another person.. would be a pretty strange event. wonder who tri-star would have play as me though..
21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.
Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
Wow, brutally honest question is brutal.
I'd like to think that i wouldn't lose it any earlier than i already will. Knowing the chain of events that can happen when such a thing happens. I think I may have had more riske` encounters, but most liekly as an educational experience, if that makes sense. NO matter how you word it, if you put a 21, nearly 22 year old man into a 5 year old body, anything he does will be seen as massively perverted and wrong. Especially if you had my life..
22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating in the office gossip mill, and both involving you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with one of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don’t believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.
Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?[/quote]
The lie. I have no trouble admitting to stupid things I've done, especially when confronted about them. What I cant stand though, are lies being spread that could ruin my job. [tangent] WHen i was around 7, I was living with my grandparents in Illinois. One day, my grampa calls me outside to the tractor. The tractor's gas cap is off, and on the seat. My grandfather asks me if i did it, and i say no. He then says that my uncle didnt do it, so i had to, and that i was grounded for a month because i lied about it. I didnt lie about it. [/tangent]
wait, thats it?
that only took me, whut, a few hours? XD
I answered as the thoughts came to my mind. I tried to put tangents into tangent brackets. all underlined words are [secret]. I'll give you a hug if you can figure out what they are XD
Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?
no. Albert was able to overcome his limitations to do what he did. This magician just has magic, thats all.
2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely health Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume-that for some reason-every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.
Would you attempt to do this?
no. The horse has done nothing wrong, and doesn't deserve this treatment. Likewise, the political prisoners probably haven't done anything wrong either, and do not deserve the treatment they are getting either. Since no matter how i word this, i'm likely to sound like a heartless bastard, i'll be blunt. I cannot control what happens, only what i do. I wouldn't even kick the horse to death if my life depended on it.
I might, if the lives of my loved ones where. glwt though.
3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler’s skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can’t give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler’s skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.
Which option do you select?
I'd want both, and not even for the money, but because i think it'd be awesome to have Hitler's skull in my possession. Even through that fact, I think i'd take the turtle. The turtle is alive, the skull is not. I'd have fun witht hte skull being there for maybe a week or so, but then it'd be boring, and the money wouldn't be enough compensation. The turtle however would bring me daily entertainment. Even if the turtle where to somehow die, i think a grand isn't such a bad price to pay considering the animal was given to me free. Afterall, who can put a price on life?
4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q of almost 85, and-most notably-a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly developed rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblockable” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
I'd take a vote from the fans, from the players, and from the staff of the NFL. Each poll separate. Then I'd make my decisions based on those votes. if the players say no, then its 100% no. If the fans say no, and the staff say no, then its 100% no.
besides that, i think there may be a weight limit in the NFL.
5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch; Every three years, someone will break both of you soul mate’s collar bones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear-for the rest of your life-sound as it it’s being performed by the band called Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?
After listening to a few tracks from Alice in Chains, and then all of James Blunt's discography, I've come to realize something. Musik speaks to the soul, each artist and song in its own unique special way. To have everything be by one artist would bring the diversity down tremendously..
I'd rather live cold and alone with musik that continues to speak to me, than repeatedly injured with (what would be to me anyways[cause if it all sounds the same, then yeah..]) mono-toned musik, with my soul-mate.
so, no. I wouldnt take the pill.
Instead, I'd use the loophole you left
6. At long last, someone invents “the dream VCR.” This machine allows you to tape an entire evening’s worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don’t agree to this, you can’t use the dream VCR.
Would you still do this?
I see no reason to watch my dreams. Random synapses inside my brain while I'm sleeping. Whole days, whole lives lived within seconds. That, is the only fascinating thing about my dreams. My nightmares however, that is a different story.
If nightmares are also recorded then maybe, just maybe, I'd use it. Only once though, because that is all it would take for everyone to finally see what i see. Prolly not though.
7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.
You are the front-page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?
Hmm..
"NESSY FINALLY FOUND!"
"BIGFOOT, BIG TRUTH!"
"DUMB OLD PERSON LEADING COUNTRY IS SICK AND NEEDS SURGERY"
Hmm..
I think I'd have them in that exact order, but the Nessy one would need a lot more spiffing up.
8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson’s gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely deeper about the film’s “deeper philosophy.”
Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
If they could accept me for who I am, who i am really Then no. Te quirck would be annoying sometimes, sure, but when you compare it to the rest, it means nothing. We all have our flawz
9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews). However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).
Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?
If it was a book that was recommended to me, then bought for me, then given to me to read, I'd read it. At least the first chapter. No matter what, i know i wont become one of those 30%. I hate men, and almost everything about them
10. This is the opening of Jay Mcinerey’s Bright Lights, Big city: “You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning.” Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you’ve read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart’s Little Queen album (assuming you own it), listen to the opening riff to “Barracuda.”
Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?
I'd imagine they rank the same. Art, just like many many other things, is in the eye of the beholder.
11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reasoning for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational metaphysical sense that-some-where-your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this, and your mother has not been ill.
Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?
Taking this as the hypothetical scenario that it is, I wouldn't leave.
Think about it. Would me leaving then and there change reality? If she is dead, she is dead. If she is not, then she is not. even if she where dying, I alone do not have the power to save her life, nor would I attempt to interfere with reality. Is she was meant to die, she will, no matter what I tried to do. "If you try to go against reality, reality will surely crush you. Reality will kill you. Then reality will continue to go on, as if nothing ever happened. From yesterday to today, and from today to tomorrow, reality marches on... Leaving your crushed body behind"
12. You meet a wizard in down town Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, “I will now make them a dollar more attractive. “ He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But- somehow-this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can’t deny that this person is vaguely sexier. The wizard has one weird rule though-you can only pay him once. You can’t keep giving him money until you’re satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.
How much cash do you give the wizard?
None. I'm perfect just the way I am. long curly hair, bent glasses and fuzzy chin and all.
13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to this assembly.
What do you talk about?
I'd give a 15 minute speech about how i dont know how any of them where invited, since i'm still a virgin XD
14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can’t talk and they can’t write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).
This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?
I think that the elder cats would enjoy it. I think there takes a bit of wisdom to fully enjoy Garfield.
They should just read Calvin and Hobbes.
15.You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.
How do you spend the next fourteen days?
I'd finally put all my mind to work, and do research into the more complex issues I've been meaning to study. String theory, quantum physics, and dark matter. I'd probably also reinvent the time machine that i came up with when i was 9. It would have worked too, if i could have remembered it the next day. [tangent] When i was younger, and sometimes even now, I would do extremely difficult math equations and contemplate questions with no finite answers, as a means to put myself to sleep. I calculated the circumference of the Earth within 10 miles. I found the amount of seconds in a year, then how many seconds i had lived at that time up to the day. I was born a geek XD[/tangent]
16. Someone builds an optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it’s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian football league, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that-for some unknown reason-you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.
The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
The problem with time travel, and/or visions of the future is that once the future is seen, it has happened, and cannot be changed. The only way to have (what one would think is an altered future or past) is through cross dimensional time travel. That being said, I'm assuming that your portal was NOT a cross dimensional portal, and that the future, no matter how hard i tried, would not be changed.
All this being considered, I'd not watch it. I'd like to see what would happen if i resisted he future
17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you’ve never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. “Be careful of that guy,” you are told. “He is a man with a past.” A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your new acquaintance who this new individual is. “Be careful of that guy, too,” he says. “He his a man with no past.”
Which of these two people do you trust less?
I'd trust the man without a past less. If he doesnt know his past, then he doesnt know himself. If he doesnt know himself, he cant trust himself, and if you cant trust yourself, you cant be trusted by others.
18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.
Which option do you select?
the moon is overrated. I'd go to Europe. 19. Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you don’t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However, you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can’t tell them why.
Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?
"ooops, my bad. Get off the floor and that wouldn't happen dude"
20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as “brutally honest and relentlessly fair.” Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.
Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
I'd be more interested in seeing the one by the low budget people. Seeing my life through the eyes of another person.. would be a pretty strange event. wonder who tri-star would have play as me though..
21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.
Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
Wow, brutally honest question is brutal.
I'd like to think that i wouldn't lose it any earlier than i already will. Knowing the chain of events that can happen when such a thing happens. I think I may have had more riske` encounters, but most liekly as an educational experience, if that makes sense. NO matter how you word it, if you put a 21, nearly 22 year old man into a 5 year old body, anything he does will be seen as massively perverted and wrong. Especially if you had my life..
22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating in the office gossip mill, and both involving you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with one of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don’t believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.
Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?[/quote]
The lie. I have no trouble admitting to stupid things I've done, especially when confronted about them. What I cant stand though, are lies being spread that could ruin my job. [tangent] WHen i was around 7, I was living with my grandparents in Illinois. One day, my grampa calls me outside to the tractor. The tractor's gas cap is off, and on the seat. My grandfather asks me if i did it, and i say no. He then says that my uncle didnt do it, so i had to, and that i was grounded for a month because i lied about it. I didnt lie about it. [/tangent]
wait, thats it?
that only took me, whut, a few hours? XD
I answered as the thoughts came to my mind. I tried to put tangents into tangent brackets. all underlined words are [secret]. I'll give you a hug if you can figure out what they are XD
"You dont have to be alive to make yourself relevant.And you dont have to be a good person to be a hero.You just have to know who you are and stay true to that.So Im going to keep fighting for people the only way I ever knew how"-Vriska Serket
Re: this is my introspective face: rebuttal quiz!
1. Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume her can do five simple tricks-he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. There are his only tricks and he can’t learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he’s doing these five tricks with real magic. It’s not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He’s legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence.
Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?
I am honestly not sure since I don't know that much about Albert Einstein besides the fact he created the theory of relativity, had crazy hair and possibly didn't wear socks when he wore shoes.
2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely health Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume-that for some reason-every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.
Would you attempt to do this?
No, animal cruelty is harsh. Especially that.
3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler’s skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can’t give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler’s skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.
Which option do you select?
Adolf Hitler's skull. I will keep it on the mantel in the living room or something. Come to me money~
4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q of almost 85, and-most notably-a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly developed rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblock able” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
Sure. We can sign him and see how it goes and if it doesn't work I'll draft him.
5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch; Every three years, someone will break both of you soul mate’s collar bones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear-for the rest of your life-sound as it it’s being performed by the band called Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?
Sure, for my soul mate. And I'm sure they'll be nice enough to use headphones.
6. At long last, someone invents “the dream VCR.” This machine allows you to tape an entire evening’s worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don’t agree to this, you can’t use the dream VCR.
Would you still do this?
Sure, I have weird dreams but none that are really embarrassing. And if I do happen to dream something embarrassing then I'll ask them about their dreams and put them up to using "the dream VCR"
7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.
You are the front-page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?
The Loch Ness Monster of course! Sorry, I favor Scotland.
8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson’s gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely deeper about the film’s “deeper philosophy.”
Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
Possibly, everyday of The Dark Crystal and I might just shoot him myself. I don't like repetitiveness.
9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews). However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).
Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?
Increase the likelihood cause I'd want to see why people were going gay because of the book.
10. This is the opening of Jay Mcinerey’s Bright Lights, Big city: “You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning.” Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you’ve read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart’s Little Queen album (assuming you own it), listen to the opening riff to “Barracuda.”
Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?
In my opinion, Heart's Little Queen "Barracuda".
11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reasoning for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational metaphysical sense that-some-where-your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this, and your mother has not been ill.
Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?
IMMEDIATELY EXIT THE THEATER! My mother means a lot to me!
12. You meet a wizard in down town Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, “I will now make them a dollar more attractive. “ He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But- somehow-this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can’t deny that this person is vaguely sexier. The wizard has no weird rule though-you can only pay him once. You can’t keep giving him money until you’re satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.
How much cash do you give the wizard?
Zero Dollars! I'm fine as I am. A guy should want me for the real me and not an enhanced version.
13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to this assembly.
What do you talk about?
I'd talk about how seeing their face brought up a lot of memories. Maybe say some inside jokes to kill time and try not to insult anyone but knowing me, I will.
14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can’t talk and they can’t write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).
This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?
Well that's debatable... Some might hate him because he can express himself while others might adore him because he is expressing himself.
15.You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.
How do you spend the next fourteen days?
Well I'd spend the next 14 days having sex with the person I love and steal a baby so I can pretend I have a kid and then do some paper work in the the oval office on the Resolute desk!
16. Someone builds an optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it’s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian football league, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that-for some unknown reason-you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.
The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
No. If I'll end up like that EVENTUALLY then I'll wait for 19 years to pass.
17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you’ve never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. “Be careful of that guy,” you are told. “He is a man with a past.” A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your new acquaintance who this new individual is. “Be careful of that guy, too,” he says. “He his a man with no past.”
Which of these two people do you trust less?
The man with no past.
18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.
Which option do you select?
A year in Europe.
19. Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you don’t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However, you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can’t tell them why.
Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?
That I did not see them there in the dark and I swung my foot out, caught them in the ribs. So it was a "trip" not a kick.
20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as “brutally honest and relentlessly fair.” Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.
Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
I'm not sure... The first one would probably be boring unless you were interested in me and the second.. you'd probably never know it had to do with me unless it said that it was based off of me.
21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.
Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
I've yet to loose my virginity but I'd probably change some things of how I grew up. Don't cheat on my time tables, stuff like that.
22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating in the office gossip mill, and both involving you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with on of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don’t believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.
Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?
The one that is true! Oh my god, a married man!
Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?
I am honestly not sure since I don't know that much about Albert Einstein besides the fact he created the theory of relativity, had crazy hair and possibly didn't wear socks when he wore shoes.
2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely health Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume-that for some reason-every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.
Would you attempt to do this?
No, animal cruelty is harsh. Especially that.
3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler’s skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can’t give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler’s skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.
Which option do you select?
Adolf Hitler's skull. I will keep it on the mantel in the living room or something. Come to me money~
4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q of almost 85, and-most notably-a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly developed rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblock able” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
Sure. We can sign him and see how it goes and if it doesn't work I'll draft him.
5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch; Every three years, someone will break both of you soul mate’s collar bones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear-for the rest of your life-sound as it it’s being performed by the band called Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).
Would you swallow the pill?
Sure, for my soul mate. And I'm sure they'll be nice enough to use headphones.
6. At long last, someone invents “the dream VCR.” This machine allows you to tape an entire evening’s worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don’t agree to this, you can’t use the dream VCR.
Would you still do this?
Sure, I have weird dreams but none that are really embarrassing. And if I do happen to dream something embarrassing then I'll ask them about their dreams and put them up to using "the dream VCR"
7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.
You are the front-page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?
The Loch Ness Monster of course! Sorry, I favor Scotland.
8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson’s gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely deeper about the film’s “deeper philosophy.”
Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?
Possibly, everyday of The Dark Crystal and I might just shoot him myself. I don't like repetitiveness.
9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews). However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).
Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?
Increase the likelihood cause I'd want to see why people were going gay because of the book.
10. This is the opening of Jay Mcinerey’s Bright Lights, Big city: “You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning.” Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you’ve read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart’s Little Queen album (assuming you own it), listen to the opening riff to “Barracuda.”
Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?
In my opinion, Heart's Little Queen "Barracuda".
11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reasoning for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational metaphysical sense that-some-where-your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this, and your mother has not been ill.
Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?
IMMEDIATELY EXIT THE THEATER! My mother means a lot to me!
12. You meet a wizard in down town Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, “I will now make them a dollar more attractive. “ He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But- somehow-this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can’t deny that this person is vaguely sexier. The wizard has no weird rule though-you can only pay him once. You can’t keep giving him money until you’re satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.
How much cash do you give the wizard?
Zero Dollars! I'm fine as I am. A guy should want me for the real me and not an enhanced version.
13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to this assembly.
What do you talk about?
I'd talk about how seeing their face brought up a lot of memories. Maybe say some inside jokes to kill time and try not to insult anyone but knowing me, I will.
14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can’t talk and they can’t write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).
This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?
Well that's debatable... Some might hate him because he can express himself while others might adore him because he is expressing himself.
15.You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.
How do you spend the next fourteen days?
Well I'd spend the next 14 days having sex with the person I love and steal a baby so I can pretend I have a kid and then do some paper work in the the oval office on the Resolute desk!
16. Someone builds an optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it’s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian football league, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that-for some unknown reason-you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.
The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?
No. If I'll end up like that EVENTUALLY then I'll wait for 19 years to pass.
17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you’ve never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. “Be careful of that guy,” you are told. “He is a man with a past.” A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your new acquaintance who this new individual is. “Be careful of that guy, too,” he says. “He his a man with no past.”
Which of these two people do you trust less?
The man with no past.
18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.
Which option do you select?
A year in Europe.
19. Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you don’t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However, you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can’t tell them why.
Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?
That I did not see them there in the dark and I swung my foot out, caught them in the ribs. So it was a "trip" not a kick.
20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as “brutally honest and relentlessly fair.” Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.
Which film would you be most interested in seeing?
I'm not sure... The first one would probably be boring unless you were interested in me and the second.. you'd probably never know it had to do with me unless it said that it was based off of me.
21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.
Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?
I've yet to loose my virginity but I'd probably change some things of how I grew up. Don't cheat on my time tables, stuff like that.
22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating in the office gossip mill, and both involving you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with on of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don’t believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.
Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?
The one that is true! Oh my god, a married man!
Now that I've settled down a bit, got knowledge of the land and have a routine set up I can finally get back to doing what I wanna do most... Can someone tell me what that is?
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Gaming Goddess
- Absolute Otaku
- Posts: 3951
- Joined: Feb 12, 2005 3:38pm
- Gender: Female
Re: this is my introspective face: rebuttal quiz!
I have an issue with question 2. And I didn't read it all... but yeah, my issue:
You could only kick a Clydesdale to death if you kicked it in the head. You said that it would be standing, and they're not short beasts. This means that you would have to jump to kick it in the head. Odds are you could only land 5 hits in that 20 minutes. The horse would most likely survive.
I ask, can someone perform a task like that?
You could only kick a Clydesdale to death if you kicked it in the head. You said that it would be standing, and they're not short beasts. This means that you would have to jump to kick it in the head. Odds are you could only land 5 hits in that 20 minutes. The horse would most likely survive.
I ask, can someone perform a task like that?
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist; but ordinary's just not good enough today.
Who needs imagination when you have a television?
Half of the Dream Team. Sup Mike?
Part of the Sexy Trio 
BIKI! =3
Who needs imagination when you have a television?
Half of the Dream Team. Sup Mike?
Part of the Sexy Trio BIKI! =3
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The Brown-Eyed Boy
- Absolute Otaku
- Posts: 1700
- Joined: Feb 21, 2007 12:53pm
Re: this is my introspective face: rebuttal quiz!
Chuck Norris can. And so can his Beard.
Name: Tucker
Age: 21
Zero says: Everything is FAAABULOUS!!!!!
Age: 21
Zero says: Everything is FAAABULOUS!!!!!